I would consider myself the black sheep of the family. I would say that I'm the most liberal of my family - though I wouldn't consider myself an extremist - I say that I run fairly left, but close to the middle of the road. I'm very grateful, however, for growing up with my family's point of view. It has shaped me more then anyone will ever know.
A little background: I grew up in Southern California. I would consider this place to be fairly racially and ethnically flavorful. I appreciated this. I'm a white girl, and when I say white, I'm white - I don't even tan well. My best friends were Korean and Bolivian. Many of my other friends were Hispanic (from Mexico mostly, but from other So. American countries as well), Filipino and African American. I felt that my parents always taught me to not look at the color of someone's skin - people are people, no matter what. This is the lesson I learned. I know this is the lesson they taught me, because of how they were raised. My grandparents were racist, and I learned that first hand when they met a few of my friends. I couldn't understand it - I didn't understand it until I was older, and realized some of the many things that shaped my grandparent's and my parent's generation. I'm not saying that this prejudice is OK - but I began to understand why it was there in the first place. It is because of my grandparents prejudice that my parents felt strongly against racism. I think it is because of my parents prejudices that I have been shaped against them as well.
I don't think we have completely won the battle on the racial field, but my generation has felt the equal rights battle on another field - sexual orientation. To me, this is not any different from our racial battles. I truly believe that, just like the color of our skin, one does not choose the gender you love, or what kind of love you feel inside the depths of your soul. I do believe you can choose to deny your love, ignore it, pretend that it isn't there, but who you are attracted to - that is something that you cannot choose - it is who you are. I also believe that this does not diminish the value of a person and that there should be no discrimination just because of who a person loves.
I'm ashamed to say that as I was growing up, I did not always listen to my heart in this area. I didn't have any gay friends, or so I thought. I was cruel, and I did make fun of people who "looked" gay, or "acted" gay. I have asked for forgiveness in this area many times, because I was stupid. I knew it was wrong - I wanted to "fit in" - with others around me, with what I saw my family doing as well. The first person I met who came out to me openly was when I was working at Girl Scout Camp. It was then that I realized how wrong I was before, and it was then that I started listening to my soul.
I later found out that a great many of my friends who I grew up with have come out. Does that change who they are? Well, perhaps I do look at them differently - but its only because I admire them. I am so happy that they have been able to follow their heart and no longer deny who they were born to be, who God created them to be.
This area has been a part of my spiritual growth that I have struggled with. I truly believe that God loves everyone, no matter what. That God created everyone - and that means he created men who love men and women who love women. I know that in the bible there are bible verses that people will throw out at you to call homosexuality an abomination, or that it separates you from God. I can't help but feel that if the bible were written with what we know now, it would be different. I can't help but think that what is in the Bible is a testament of the time and culture in which it was written. I also cannot turn my head on the abundant chapters and verses that talk about God's Love - and if God loves you, it doesn't matter that you are a man, who loves a man.
So what is love? The dictionary states that "love" is a noun - an intense feeling of deep affection, and a verb- to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). Is love a lifestyle choice? No... love is something you FEEL - and you can't change that. I hope one day everyone will be able to recognize that just because someone loves another of the same sex that it doesn't mean that they are bad, an abomination, naive, rebellious, or any of the other things that is often said. And who am I to put rules or laws stating that they cannot love (or marry) someone of their choosing. I love what President Obama said at his 2nd inauguration - it has been ringing in my head since that day: "Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law - for if we are truly created equal, then surely the LOVE we commit to one another must be equal as well."
If you have read this far, please search your heart, do what we tell our children to do - put yourself in another mans shoes. Don't hate based on something that is unchangeable. Keep an open mind.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Why Give?
As a 33 year old woman, I am still a part of a generation that does not typically give to charitable organizations - usually I'm one who is promoting organizations to give TO - through my kids' school or other extra-curricular activities. A mother of two, I have to budget every cent that is made, and put it to good use. So, why give? Specifically I'm asking why give to a church, your church I hope.
When I was growing up, my parents gave us an allowance - and there were specific things we were required to do with this money each week. We were given $10 a week, and $1 (10%) must be given to the church. You can imagine that as soon as I became an adult, this was the first thing I rebelled against. Why should I give to the church? What has the church given me that I should do something in return? Hey, I give my time, isn't that enough?
It has taken me 20 years to struggle with these questions and to find my own spirituality in giving. What I do now follows the "First fruits" idea - as soon as I get my pay check, I immediately take out my monthly tithe in cash, and give it to my church. Because I get paid 2 times a month, I have split my committed tithe up in half so that I do it at each pay check. I still have this small voice that hits me every time I do this: "What if you don't have enough money for food this month, and you already gave away all that money? Maybe you should wait until the end of the month and see what is left." To this voice, I say, "It is because I have given this money that I WILL have enough at the end of the month."
It wasn't always this way. When I finally wrestled enough with my rebellion and began giving consistently, I gave $1 a week - this was good enough when I was a child, why not now. It wasn't enough to make things difficult for me, and it wasn't enough to feel comfortable with myself either. Sure, I could be giving more, even though I was a "starving" college student, I had more than $1 to give... and that guilt would creep in every once in a while.
After some time of moving around, a time of soul searching, and finally finding a church family that fit with me and my family, I felt led to give more. I began giving what I "could" at the end of the month. This meant that some months were more then others, and some months not at all - the kids had dental bills to take care of, or we absolutely had to go out to lunch as a family 3 times that month. A year ago, during a sort of "pledge" drive - though that is such a horrid name for something like this, even though it describes it perfectly, I decided to actually write down a commitment of giving - I told my church that I would give a certain amount each month. I felt good about this amount, as it was something that I felt was a better representation of what I could give - and I told myself if it was a good month, I could always give more. However, this commitment did not change HOW I gave - I still waited until the end of the month to pay. Summer came along, and of course I didn't have the money to give. Guilt crept in once again...what was I going to do? Why am I even giving in the first place? Why should I bother? The church seems to be OK during these months when I don't give. Others will pick up the slack when the pastor asks the congregation to give more.
And then our children did something through Heifer International - an organization that works on the principle that if you "give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." We dove into the Read to Feed program, and explained to the kids what their gift to Heifer would mean to a family in another country who needed it. What I learned through teaching the children about this program is that when a family is given a set of animals, they are asked to give the first born to another family, and teach that family so that the cycle continues. Well, my subconscious went to work then. What if the animals don't have any more babies? How will they survive? What if they don't give the first born, but the second born? Who is going to know? But then I really started thinking - by giving the first born - the first fruits of their labor - they are having faith that everything will be OK - that their animals will have more babies, that their new source of income will flourish. The only ones who are going to know if they truly gave their "first" born or not is themselves - and God.
This changed my way of thinking. Up until then I had not been giving my "first" fruits, but my sloppy seconds instead, and sometimes even the messy thirds. My church didn't know, but I knew - hense the guilt I felt - but I thought to myself, OK, have some faith. Give it a try... For the past 3 months I have been giving my first fruits. Have I run out of money at the end of the month? Christmas was just last month, did I not have enough for gifts for the kids and family? No, quite the opposite. In fact, I must say that I feel more secure then I have in a long time. This idea of faith in giving is still new to me, and I still wrestle with that little voice in the back of my mind, but I've decided it's not going to win.
So why do I even give? I mean, that is the root of the issue. I've explained how I give, but have I explained the why? Yeah, I think I have. It all has to do with faith. I give because of faith. The way I give is because of faith. You know what? During the summer, was my church really OK without my giving? maybe... but perhaps we as a church could have given one more scholarship to youth church camp if I had given my first fruits commitment. I give because I have felt a warming in my heart, I can only explain it as faith, and that by giving to my church, I am expressing that faith in God, in the spiritual journey that my church supports, and in my faith.
Dig deep...ask yourselves those hard questions, and wrestle with that inner voice that challenges you. Perhaps you will find a better way to give as well.
When I was growing up, my parents gave us an allowance - and there were specific things we were required to do with this money each week. We were given $10 a week, and $1 (10%) must be given to the church. You can imagine that as soon as I became an adult, this was the first thing I rebelled against. Why should I give to the church? What has the church given me that I should do something in return? Hey, I give my time, isn't that enough?
It has taken me 20 years to struggle with these questions and to find my own spirituality in giving. What I do now follows the "First fruits" idea - as soon as I get my pay check, I immediately take out my monthly tithe in cash, and give it to my church. Because I get paid 2 times a month, I have split my committed tithe up in half so that I do it at each pay check. I still have this small voice that hits me every time I do this: "What if you don't have enough money for food this month, and you already gave away all that money? Maybe you should wait until the end of the month and see what is left." To this voice, I say, "It is because I have given this money that I WILL have enough at the end of the month."
It wasn't always this way. When I finally wrestled enough with my rebellion and began giving consistently, I gave $1 a week - this was good enough when I was a child, why not now. It wasn't enough to make things difficult for me, and it wasn't enough to feel comfortable with myself either. Sure, I could be giving more, even though I was a "starving" college student, I had more than $1 to give... and that guilt would creep in every once in a while.
After some time of moving around, a time of soul searching, and finally finding a church family that fit with me and my family, I felt led to give more. I began giving what I "could" at the end of the month. This meant that some months were more then others, and some months not at all - the kids had dental bills to take care of, or we absolutely had to go out to lunch as a family 3 times that month. A year ago, during a sort of "pledge" drive - though that is such a horrid name for something like this, even though it describes it perfectly, I decided to actually write down a commitment of giving - I told my church that I would give a certain amount each month. I felt good about this amount, as it was something that I felt was a better representation of what I could give - and I told myself if it was a good month, I could always give more. However, this commitment did not change HOW I gave - I still waited until the end of the month to pay. Summer came along, and of course I didn't have the money to give. Guilt crept in once again...what was I going to do? Why am I even giving in the first place? Why should I bother? The church seems to be OK during these months when I don't give. Others will pick up the slack when the pastor asks the congregation to give more.
And then our children did something through Heifer International - an organization that works on the principle that if you "give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." We dove into the Read to Feed program, and explained to the kids what their gift to Heifer would mean to a family in another country who needed it. What I learned through teaching the children about this program is that when a family is given a set of animals, they are asked to give the first born to another family, and teach that family so that the cycle continues. Well, my subconscious went to work then. What if the animals don't have any more babies? How will they survive? What if they don't give the first born, but the second born? Who is going to know? But then I really started thinking - by giving the first born - the first fruits of their labor - they are having faith that everything will be OK - that their animals will have more babies, that their new source of income will flourish. The only ones who are going to know if they truly gave their "first" born or not is themselves - and God.
This changed my way of thinking. Up until then I had not been giving my "first" fruits, but my sloppy seconds instead, and sometimes even the messy thirds. My church didn't know, but I knew - hense the guilt I felt - but I thought to myself, OK, have some faith. Give it a try... For the past 3 months I have been giving my first fruits. Have I run out of money at the end of the month? Christmas was just last month, did I not have enough for gifts for the kids and family? No, quite the opposite. In fact, I must say that I feel more secure then I have in a long time. This idea of faith in giving is still new to me, and I still wrestle with that little voice in the back of my mind, but I've decided it's not going to win.
So why do I even give? I mean, that is the root of the issue. I've explained how I give, but have I explained the why? Yeah, I think I have. It all has to do with faith. I give because of faith. The way I give is because of faith. You know what? During the summer, was my church really OK without my giving? maybe... but perhaps we as a church could have given one more scholarship to youth church camp if I had given my first fruits commitment. I give because I have felt a warming in my heart, I can only explain it as faith, and that by giving to my church, I am expressing that faith in God, in the spiritual journey that my church supports, and in my faith.
Dig deep...ask yourselves those hard questions, and wrestle with that inner voice that challenges you. Perhaps you will find a better way to give as well.
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