Why Give?

As a 33 year old woman, I am still a part of a generation that does not typically give to charitable organizations - usually I'm one who is promoting organizations to give TO - through my kids' school or other extra-curricular activities. A mother of two, I have to budget every cent that is made, and put it to good use. So, why give? Specifically I'm asking why give to a church, your church I hope.

When I was growing up, my parents gave us an allowance - and there were specific things we were required to do with this money each week. We were given $10 a week, and $1 (10%) must be given to the church. You can imagine that as soon as I became an adult, this was the first thing I rebelled against. Why should I give to the church? What has the church given me that I should do something in return? Hey, I give my time, isn't that enough?

It has taken me 20 years to struggle with these questions and to find my own spirituality in giving. What I do now follows the "First fruits" idea - as soon as I get my pay check, I immediately take out my monthly tithe in cash, and give it to my church. Because I get paid 2 times a month, I have split my committed tithe up in half so that I do it at each pay check. I still have this small voice that hits me every time I do this: "What if you don't have enough money for food this month, and you already gave away all that money? Maybe you should wait until the end of the month and see what is left." To this voice, I say, "It is because I have given this money that I WILL have enough at the end of the month."

It wasn't always this way. When I finally wrestled enough with my rebellion and began giving consistently, I gave $1 a week - this was good enough when I was a child, why not now. It wasn't enough to make things difficult for me, and it wasn't enough to feel comfortable with myself either. Sure, I could be giving more, even though I was a "starving" college student, I had more than $1 to give... and that guilt would creep in every once in a while.

After some time of moving around, a time of soul searching, and finally finding a church family that fit with me and my family, I felt led to give more. I began giving what I "could" at the end of the month. This meant that some months were more then others, and some months not at all - the kids had dental bills to take care of, or we absolutely had to go out to lunch as a family 3 times that month. A year ago, during a sort of "pledge" drive - though that is such a horrid name for something like this, even though it describes it perfectly, I decided to actually write down a commitment of giving - I told my church that I would give a certain amount each month. I felt good about this amount, as it was something that I felt was a better representation of what I could give - and I told myself if it was a good month, I could always give more. However, this commitment did not change HOW I gave - I still waited until the end of the month to pay. Summer came along, and of course I didn't have the money to give. Guilt crept in once again...what was I going to do? Why am I even giving in the first place? Why should I bother? The church seems to be OK during these months when I don't give. Others will pick up the slack when the pastor asks the congregation to give more.

And then our children did something through Heifer International - an organization that works on the principle that if you "give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." We dove into the Read to Feed program, and explained to the kids what their gift to Heifer would mean to a family in another country who needed it. What I learned through teaching the children about this program is that when a family is given a set of animals, they are asked to give the first born to another family, and teach that family so that the cycle continues. Well, my subconscious went to work then. What if the animals don't have any more babies? How will they survive? What if they don't give the first born, but the second born? Who is going to know? But then I really started thinking - by giving the first born - the first fruits of their labor - they are having faith that everything will be OK - that their animals will have more babies, that their new source of income will flourish.  The only ones who are going to know if they truly gave their "first" born or not is themselves - and God.

This changed my way of thinking. Up until then I had not been giving my "first" fruits, but my sloppy seconds instead, and sometimes even the messy thirds. My church didn't know, but I knew - hense the guilt I felt - but I thought to myself, OK, have some faith. Give it a try... For the past 3 months I have been giving my first fruits. Have I run out of money at the end of the month? Christmas was just last month, did I not have enough for gifts for the kids and family? No, quite the opposite. In fact, I must say that I feel more secure then I have in a long time. This idea of faith in giving is still new to me, and I still wrestle with that little voice in the back of my mind, but I've decided it's not going to win.

So why do I even give? I mean, that is the root of the issue. I've explained how I give, but have I explained the why? Yeah, I think I have. It all has to do with faith. I give because of faith. The way I give is because of faith. You know what? During the summer, was my church really OK without my giving? maybe... but perhaps we as a church could have given one more scholarship to youth church camp if I had given my first fruits commitment. I give because I have felt a warming in my heart, I can only explain it as faith, and that by giving to my church, I am expressing that faith in God, in the spiritual journey that my church supports, and in my faith.

Dig deep...ask yourselves those hard questions, and wrestle with that inner voice that challenges you. Perhaps you will find a better way to give as well.