Am I in this alone?

I am tired ... my brain won't stop thinking.
I want to cry.

There is so much work to do ... who will do it if I don't step up. It falls on my shoulders 1/2 the time anyways. Is that because I can't take it any more and have to step up myself.

It is SO hard for me to not take over. I'm working on it. I've burnt myself out so many times because I have taken over on too many projects. But when I see something being done 1/2 as well as it should (and not just by my standards, but others) it bothers me. When I see no real leadership during a project ... no one knows what's going on, and everyone assumes someone else is doing it... it bothers me. Little by little, I take over - sometimes knowing what I am doing, sometimes simply because I ask a question, and it gets delegated to me.

Why do I feel that everything needs to involve me? That if it's not done well, or done to my standards, it will fail? I never thought I had high standards... I never measured up usually to other people's standards - perhaps that is why mine are so high in comparison to others I see - and perhaps that is why I judge them so harshly.

How can I stop this? It makes me feel ill! I feel alienated, and that I have no real friends. Do I push them away?

Today, I feel alone. I should be looking for God's presence... I'm sure it's there. Why is it not enough for me? Why do I crave connection to others so much? God, I pray for those who are really alone - no family nearby, no one else living in their home.

So... I AM tired... my brain really won't stop thinking... and I want to cry...