Hate

Paula Deen is a racist. It's all in the news. She said the "N" word. Everyone is in an uproar over it. Some are in total support of Paula - hey, she apologized, right? - and some are completely against her now. Here's something I have heard a lot since this public outrage - Well, gee, if black people can say the "N" word towards each other, or in rap songs, why can't Paula - or "Why are we outraged over a rich white woman saying these things but not over rich black men who are rappers who say these things?"


What is it that we teach our children? I don't know about you, but when my child does something and he tells me, "But little Johnny was doing that too!" - do I accept that? Do you accept that when your child says something similar? Ok, maybe you do.... but most of the moms I know do NOT! I tell my son - "Just because someone else does this thing does not make it OK for you to do it!"  It is the same with this whole "N" word and Paula Dean issue. Just because some prominent people in society say something doesn't make it OK. It is NOT OK for Paula Dean to say the "N" word just because it is sometimes heard by people of color towards each other. If you listen closely, it has negative connotations, no matter who says it. Why would it EVER be OK to use any dirogitory term towards ANYONE!? Lets remember the wise word's of  Thumper -

 

The best thing we can do as human beings is to stop the hate - stop it in it's tracks. When someone says something that is hurtful - don't listen, say something, step up - but don't fuel it with more hate. Don't spread HATE for what Paula Deen has said.... Educate! We all can learn from this. Spreading more hateful words around just causes the circle of hate to perpetuate. Don't contribute to these thought processes.

Do not mistake this post as something that is glossing over the many different places that the "N" word is still ever present in our society today. What do I want you to take home from this? Look at your own thoughts on racism - and prejudice in general. Whether you want to accept it or not, we all have a little prejudice. It is how we deal with our own prejudice that sets us apart. Don't give in to hate.

pretending to be happy

Pretending to be happy is all I know what to do right now. We all pretend to be happy when we are really hurting... Me? I don't often like to open up until I end up bursting, then I can't help it.

I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).

I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.

When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.

Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.

The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy.  My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.

So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.

Make room for Jesus

I'm not used to being a part of something so "christian" as church camp. I went to church camp when I was a kid - I loved it! But, I have always been just a little bit uncomfortable with a little TOO much Jesus. I think a few of our kids at camp might feel the same way. We don't speak a lot of "Jesus Talk" or "God Speak" at the Church of the Joyful Healer.

There is actually something soothing and fun about being at an all christian - all Methodist youth church camp. Not too long ago I had someone in my church say that we should encourage the children of our church to go to church camps that are closer to home - camps that are NOT Methodist - but are Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, etc. As Methodists, we are open to all faiths - and all dogmas - so this idea to have my child go to a different denomination camp should not bother me. But I somehow would rather not encourage that of my own children - at least at this time. If they had a friend who asked them to camp, that would be something different. But, there is just something about going to a Methodist Church camp when you are Methodists.

Let me pull back a moment, and explain something that happened a few months ago. We were visiting a friend of mine who happens to be Mormon - and her son asked my sons - "So what religion are you?" - of course my kids were like - "uh, we believe in God" - and he came back with "no, what are you? like are you Mormon like us, or some other religion?" This made me think that my kids don't even know that they are being raised Methodist.

So, back to camp - having my child at church camp - and not just church camp, but a Methodist Church Camp - helps them to find an identity to their faith. It helps them to see that there are others who believe similar to them. Not that there isn't similarity between all churches, dogmas, and even religions, but there is just something about having that similarity and identity. It's not segregation of religions... it's not saying that they should only get together with others who believe as they do... it's just a commonality between everyone who is there - and to a child, this commonality supports identity and creates long lasting bonds!

Today, I have seen my son play, interact, talk, etc with a very diverse group of youth! If he comes back next year, he will see many of the same youth! He will gain friendships for life! Perhaps he will grow in faith. He will definitely have positive role models. For all the headaches that have happened because of camp - fundraising, drivers, etc - I am glad that my child has got this experience! I hope he wants to go back for another year! or MORE!! And who knows, perhaps I'll have forgotten all the pains leading up to the experience, and choose to do it again as well! :) Being "Camp Mom" is kind of fun! and it's great having all the kids from church here to check in on!