Things I hear a lot:
- you have the power to make yourself happy, you just have to choose to do so.
- don't let what other people say or do affect your happiness.
- trust in God when you are down. He will lift you up.
Depression is real, and no matter how much I trust in God, it is not going to go away.
The days grow shorter - the sun comes up later and goes down earlier. It always seems dark. It's cold.
The Jones' are buying up everything they can, while the every day person isn't sure if there is enough money to fill the gas tank this week.
Parents work and work to make sure they have enough money to give their children a special holiday, or to be a part of some recreational sport.
Taxes are due, gas and electric bills go up, trips and extra grocery costs are forgotten in the annual budget.
These are realities - no band-aid can cover.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Money Challenge
I've been praying a lot about money lately. Not that I am coveting money, or that I am idolizing money. I'm not praying TO money, I'm praying about money. I'm praying about how to manage and deal with my money.
For the past 15 years, we have basically been flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to money. It's not that we don't know HOW to manage money, it's that our priorities have been a bit skewed, and we have simply been living without a budget. OK, we still don't have a budget, but I'm working on baby steps here.
A few years ago, I challenged myself to pray about money and giving. I chose to give monthly to my church. I give from the money I make, not the family income, and at first, I didn't give a full 10%. Now I'm just about there. It feels good being able to give that commitment every month.
This year, I want to do more with my money. I've been praying about saving - getting into a habit of giving to the savings at the beginning of each month (or really, in my case, as soon as I get paid, so it's 2x a month) just like I do with my tithe. Not only giving to my own savings, but my children's as well. It's not much, it doesn't have to be much. Baby steps, right?
So, I have a bit of a goal in mind. First - saving for summer. Every summer I work less - which means I have less to do with, and we typically have to prepare for this ahead of time, or it gets us in the butt. But I don't want my savings to be completely depleted every summer. So... I have another goal. Saving for 2 trips - one in 2015 that we just planned and one in 2017 that has been a bit of a pipe dream, and will continue to be so if we don't save.
I thought to myself, how am I going to do that. That is a LOT of money! Yes, but do you know how much going out to fast food costs?? I"m sure that on average, I have spent $20-$30 going out to fast food every week. That's an average - some weeks less, some... more. Wow, can you imagine if I didn't do this how much I would be able to "save"? Now, lets face it, absolutely no fast food is not a reality for my lifestyle. I am often on the run a lot with my children, and are simply unable to do things like bring food with me ALL the time for dinner. but, we can cut back.
What about the other stuff I buy that I don't need. It's time to set those priorities. So, I've been praying about money. I've been praying about my priorities on spending. And I challenge you to do the same.
For the past 15 years, we have basically been flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to money. It's not that we don't know HOW to manage money, it's that our priorities have been a bit skewed, and we have simply been living without a budget. OK, we still don't have a budget, but I'm working on baby steps here.
A few years ago, I challenged myself to pray about money and giving. I chose to give monthly to my church. I give from the money I make, not the family income, and at first, I didn't give a full 10%. Now I'm just about there. It feels good being able to give that commitment every month.
This year, I want to do more with my money. I've been praying about saving - getting into a habit of giving to the savings at the beginning of each month (or really, in my case, as soon as I get paid, so it's 2x a month) just like I do with my tithe. Not only giving to my own savings, but my children's as well. It's not much, it doesn't have to be much. Baby steps, right?
So, I have a bit of a goal in mind. First - saving for summer. Every summer I work less - which means I have less to do with, and we typically have to prepare for this ahead of time, or it gets us in the butt. But I don't want my savings to be completely depleted every summer. So... I have another goal. Saving for 2 trips - one in 2015 that we just planned and one in 2017 that has been a bit of a pipe dream, and will continue to be so if we don't save.
I thought to myself, how am I going to do that. That is a LOT of money! Yes, but do you know how much going out to fast food costs?? I"m sure that on average, I have spent $20-$30 going out to fast food every week. That's an average - some weeks less, some... more. Wow, can you imagine if I didn't do this how much I would be able to "save"? Now, lets face it, absolutely no fast food is not a reality for my lifestyle. I am often on the run a lot with my children, and are simply unable to do things like bring food with me ALL the time for dinner. but, we can cut back.
What about the other stuff I buy that I don't need. It's time to set those priorities. So, I've been praying about money. I've been praying about my priorities on spending. And I challenge you to do the same.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Doing Christmas with JOY
So, as a mom, we all know that this time of year is hard. Like most moms, I have children who know how to be thankful, know that they "should" be less self centered - but lets face it... the "me" bug hits hard this time of year. And the age where my children are (9 and 11), it is also just part of their development. But, as a mom, it is my job to help teach them, even though it may seem futile.
Yes, it's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm writing about Christmas - but it's because of the fact that Advent starts so close to Thanksgiving this year that I am already thinking ahead. I noticed the other day other mom friends having similar thoughts. How can we be sure that this year is different - or how can we continue to teach our children through an ever increasing commercialization that takes over this time of year.
One friend mentioned celebrating the season with J.O.Y - Jesus, Others, Yourself (in that order). This is not a new concept - is a simple concept - and is often overlooked. So, this year, I am remembering to celebrate the season with JOY for myself, and for my children.
So, how can we do this?
Jesus: Remember the reason for the season. There will be tons of super conservative folks out there who will throw in my face that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to discount any of this. The origins of why we celebrate Jesus' birth in December does not mean we should not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons... and that is the birth of Christ (come on, how many have celebrated a birthday at a different time of year because of when your birthday falls?) So, remember Jesus and the coming hope this season. One of the ways we do this as a family is to light an advent wreath throughout the season of Advent (my children make one every year at our church - but you can make one easily enough). Each week we light the correct amount of candles, and focus on the themes of Advent: Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.
Others: This should be an easy one, right? Think of someone else this season. It's when most donations go UP for organizations. The other day I was speaking to our pastor, and he reminded me about giving this time of year, and how one of the best ways is to give a gift that will go beyond Christmas. When I was a kid, our church did holiday food boxes - in youth group we got to go shopping for these food boxes. I remember thinking how much fun that was, for us, to give something to someone who had little. But that doesn't fill a bigger need. While these boxes (or holiday gifts) are important for families - we all want the holidays to be special - we need to think beyond the holidays. So.. Consider the organizations you give to - I would highly suggest giving to your church. Most churches have some sort of Family Assistance fund - or a pastor's discretionary fund where the pastor can help out someone in need. Consider giving money to this, or food cards, gas cards, grocery cards. These can be used during the holiday season AND beyond.
Yourself: And then the part we all love - giving to you... well, after we have thought of the first two, "you" doesn't seem so important, does it. This is when I realized I truly have all I "need" and most of what I "want". Sometimes my "wants" and "needs" are skewed - and this helps me to realize what is important. This season, people have already been asking me, "what do you want for Christmas?" I can honestly say that there isn't anything, besides TIME, that I want for Christmas. Maybe this means I've finally grown up...
So there you have it. May we all have much JOY this holiday season.
Yes, it's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm writing about Christmas - but it's because of the fact that Advent starts so close to Thanksgiving this year that I am already thinking ahead. I noticed the other day other mom friends having similar thoughts. How can we be sure that this year is different - or how can we continue to teach our children through an ever increasing commercialization that takes over this time of year.
One friend mentioned celebrating the season with J.O.Y - Jesus, Others, Yourself (in that order). This is not a new concept - is a simple concept - and is often overlooked. So, this year, I am remembering to celebrate the season with JOY for myself, and for my children.
So, how can we do this?
Jesus: Remember the reason for the season. There will be tons of super conservative folks out there who will throw in my face that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to discount any of this. The origins of why we celebrate Jesus' birth in December does not mean we should not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons... and that is the birth of Christ (come on, how many have celebrated a birthday at a different time of year because of when your birthday falls?) So, remember Jesus and the coming hope this season. One of the ways we do this as a family is to light an advent wreath throughout the season of Advent (my children make one every year at our church - but you can make one easily enough). Each week we light the correct amount of candles, and focus on the themes of Advent: Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.
Others: This should be an easy one, right? Think of someone else this season. It's when most donations go UP for organizations. The other day I was speaking to our pastor, and he reminded me about giving this time of year, and how one of the best ways is to give a gift that will go beyond Christmas. When I was a kid, our church did holiday food boxes - in youth group we got to go shopping for these food boxes. I remember thinking how much fun that was, for us, to give something to someone who had little. But that doesn't fill a bigger need. While these boxes (or holiday gifts) are important for families - we all want the holidays to be special - we need to think beyond the holidays. So.. Consider the organizations you give to - I would highly suggest giving to your church. Most churches have some sort of Family Assistance fund - or a pastor's discretionary fund where the pastor can help out someone in need. Consider giving money to this, or food cards, gas cards, grocery cards. These can be used during the holiday season AND beyond.
Yourself: And then the part we all love - giving to you... well, after we have thought of the first two, "you" doesn't seem so important, does it. This is when I realized I truly have all I "need" and most of what I "want". Sometimes my "wants" and "needs" are skewed - and this helps me to realize what is important. This season, people have already been asking me, "what do you want for Christmas?" I can honestly say that there isn't anything, besides TIME, that I want for Christmas. Maybe this means I've finally grown up...
So there you have it. May we all have much JOY this holiday season.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Gospel According to Dave
At work, my boss asked me to put up some quotes all around the building - thought provoking quotes to get people talking. I had to stop myself because really, all I wanted to do was put up a whole bunch of Dave Matthews quotes.
Yes, I am a HUGE fan! His music is amazing - but part of the reason why his music is so amazing is because it talks directly to me. There is so much we can learn from Dave - who by the way was born a Quaker and doesn't necessarily consider himself religious these days. I think God speaks through Dave more than anyone can know. God speaks through all musicians, if we are brave enough to listen.
Here are a few favorite verses from the Gospel of Dave...
The future is no place to place your better days.
Could I have been anyone other than me.
Crazy as I may make my way through this world, it's for no one but me to say what direction I shall turn.
A couple of my favorite songs you must listen to - cause there is so much he is saying in them:
Funny the Way it Is
Captain
Everyday
Dive In
And if you can't tell what he's saying, or you're not sure you agree - listen again. :)
Yes, I am a HUGE fan! His music is amazing - but part of the reason why his music is so amazing is because it talks directly to me. There is so much we can learn from Dave - who by the way was born a Quaker and doesn't necessarily consider himself religious these days. I think God speaks through Dave more than anyone can know. God speaks through all musicians, if we are brave enough to listen.
Here are a few favorite verses from the Gospel of Dave...
The future is no place to place your better days.
Could I have been anyone other than me.
Crazy as I may make my way through this world, it's for no one but me to say what direction I shall turn.
A couple of my favorite songs you must listen to - cause there is so much he is saying in them:
Funny the Way it Is
Captain
Everyday
Dive In
And if you can't tell what he's saying, or you're not sure you agree - listen again. :)
Friday, September 27, 2013
There's a man...
There's a mentally ill man who walks the streets of Arcata and Mckinleyville daily. If you are close to the Valley west area of Arcata in the mornings, or anywhere in McKinleyville in the afternoons, you probably have seen him. All he does is walk .... and talk to himself. I saw him today - he looked cold. He always seems to have clean clothes on and newish shoes - I don't know if he is homeless or not. He always seems somewhat clean. But he's walking, and talking.... and this morning he was shivering. I said a little prayer for him today.
My guard is always up when he comes around the church - he comes in at least once every other day, and on the days he doesn't come in, he passes by and looks in the windows. I'll admit, I'm a little fearful. I don't know what this man's mental illness is - and it is plain to see when you meet him that he is having to deal with something. He hasn't ever shown me any violence, but I have seen him yell at others. So, I keep my guard up. Sometimes I am at the church when it is late - 5pm or later - due to something my children are doing (karate or scouts). I'm protective.... if it's jut myself and my children there, I will make sure the door is locked if I see him down the street, or if he comes in when I don't notice, I tell him the church is closed. He almost always calmly leaves. I often feel bad, but since I don't know this man, I am putting my gut feelings, and possibly my judgements, over compassion as I am in protective mode.
But... today I said a prayer for him. I said a prayer for all mentally ill... for those who have the courage to work with the mentally ill... for all those, like myself, who sometimes turn their heads on the mentally ill. I said a prayer today, for compassion, for love, for understanding.
My guard is always up when he comes around the church - he comes in at least once every other day, and on the days he doesn't come in, he passes by and looks in the windows. I'll admit, I'm a little fearful. I don't know what this man's mental illness is - and it is plain to see when you meet him that he is having to deal with something. He hasn't ever shown me any violence, but I have seen him yell at others. So, I keep my guard up. Sometimes I am at the church when it is late - 5pm or later - due to something my children are doing (karate or scouts). I'm protective.... if it's jut myself and my children there, I will make sure the door is locked if I see him down the street, or if he comes in when I don't notice, I tell him the church is closed. He almost always calmly leaves. I often feel bad, but since I don't know this man, I am putting my gut feelings, and possibly my judgements, over compassion as I am in protective mode.
But... today I said a prayer for him. I said a prayer for all mentally ill... for those who have the courage to work with the mentally ill... for all those, like myself, who sometimes turn their heads on the mentally ill. I said a prayer today, for compassion, for love, for understanding.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Hate
Paula Deen is a racist. It's all in the news. She said the "N" word. Everyone is in an uproar over it. Some are in total support of Paula - hey, she apologized, right? - and some are completely against her now. Here's something I have heard a lot since this public outrage - Well, gee, if black people can say the "N" word towards each other, or in rap songs, why can't Paula - or "Why are we outraged over a rich white woman saying these things but not over rich black men who are rappers who say these things?"
What is it that we teach our children? I don't know about you, but when my child does something and he tells me, "But little Johnny was doing that too!" - do I accept that? Do you accept that when your child says something similar? Ok, maybe you do.... but most of the moms I know do NOT! I tell my son - "Just because someone else does this thing does not make it OK for you to do it!" It is the same with this whole "N" word and Paula Dean issue. Just because some prominent people in society say something doesn't make it OK. It is NOT OK for Paula Dean to say the "N" word just because it is sometimes heard by people of color towards each other. If you listen closely, it has negative connotations, no matter who says it. Why would it EVER be OK to use any dirogitory term towards ANYONE!? Lets remember the wise word's of Thumper -
Do not mistake this post as something that is glossing over the many different places that the "N" word is still ever present in our society today. What do I want you to take home from this? Look at your own thoughts on racism - and prejudice in general. Whether you want to accept it or not, we all have a little prejudice. It is how we deal with our own prejudice that sets us apart. Don't give in to hate.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
pretending to be happy
Pretending to be happy is all I know what to do right now. We all pretend to be happy when we are really hurting... Me? I don't often like to open up until I end up bursting, then I can't help it.
I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).
I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.
When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.
Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.
The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy. My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.
So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.
I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).
I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.
When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.
Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.
The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy. My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.
So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.
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