If you didn't know already, I am a church secretary - oh wait, we are not supposed to call it that any more. At one of my jobs I am called an "Office Coordinator" at another the "Office Manager" - both are just glorified names for Secretary, and I'm OK with that. Anyways, as a secretary, I get a lot of emails that I have to sort through at both churches that I work for. Today I received one about rest - and it is such a coincidence as I do not rest!
I know what I'm supposed to do. Everyone is always telling me to take a break, don't work too hard, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ... this is much easier said then done!!
Along with my Facebook addiction, I have an addiction to pleasing people. I strive to always do a good job, but not for me - for everyone else. I don't want people to be upset because of something I did, or didn't, do. In the past 15 years, I have at least learned to say no, about 20% of the time... hey, I am working on it! The past 3 or so years, I've been working on trying to take better care of myself - working out, eating better, doing things without children, etc. Then I started working full time! All of a sudden, I have been completely off balance, and that part about taking care of myself has completely gone out the window.
Last week, my husband commented on how much he was running around because of the boys activities - I think I asked him to help out on Tuesday and Thursday of this week. He was already exhausted. Welcome to my life! When it comes to my boys, I do NOT want my working full time to be an excuse for them to not be able to do activities... Thank goodness I have flexible jobs!
To give you a taste, here is a typical day in my life:
6:30AM - alarm goes off - slam on the snooze at least 3 times.
7AM - Shower
7:15AM - wake up one child - the other is already awake - and often I have to wake up the "big child" too.
7:30AM - Breakfast for all - get the boys on the bus by 7:55AM
7:55AM - drive to work - often a few min. late
8:00AMish - start Job #1
12:00noon - leave Job #1
12:00noon - start Job #2 (there is a bit of travel time in here too)
3:50PM - leave Job #2 - pick up children
4:15PM - drop off children at Swimming for Swim club/team - drive to McKinleyville to teach a lesson
4:30-5PM - teach a lesson
5:15PM - Pick up children from Swimming
5:30 PM - home for dinner - prep for evening activities (could be scouts, music stuff, etc) - and if time, do a little extra work that didn't get finished during the day for Job #2 (or save until boys go to bed at 8PM)
OK, that's pretty typical, but of course every day offers one or two variations. By time I finally have even a few minutes to think about housework, it is 8pm. How am I really supposed to find time for myself? I can hear you now... give something up? Like I said earlier, I am not willing to give up any of the boys' activities just because I'm working full time. And working full time is not something I can give up at the moment.
My situation is a lot like other moms out there - and dads too. I can't relate to the dads, sorry. I can't even imagine if I was a single parent! Some days I do feel like a single parent, but I have to think about the fact that I DO have someone else I can call if I need to. Telling a mom to give something up is like telling a goat not to eat a tin can. We know it's not good for us, but we can't help ourselves. The pressures of being a mom are intense enough as it is. And then, put on top of that other pressures like work, sports, and especially if you are a recovering people pleaser like me, it's even worse. The past 2 1/2 months I have not been working up to standards - my own standards, which I know are higher then anyone else out there. But truly, I have been forgetful, I have been so tired that I have spaced out in conversations, I have yelled WAY too much at my family. I have no desire to socialize, though I make myself do it.
So... take care of yourself. This has been something that has taken a front burner in my life since the beginning of this month, when I hit a sort of bottom for myself. I knew I had to do something - so I started small. It wasn't rest, though I needed that, but I decided to at least start with nutrition. I had begun being in this rut of eating a LOT of fast food - and if you have ever seen the documentary "Supersize Me" you would know that fast food can lead to a lot of crazy depression and psychological issues. So I ate better (and continued having a green juice in the morning - something I did start back in January). I also chose to start taking vitamins. It is costly, but important. 3 days later, I began feeling amazing. You know the first thing I noticed - I began sleeping ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT! Did I mention before that even though I was exhausted pretty much every day, I had horrible insomnia, or just fitful nights of sleep. If I got 5 hours, that would be a good night - but those 5 hours wouldn't be continuous. So, in a way, I DID get rest. It was amazing how much better I felt just from that.
I'm still not taking time to myself - though not being on Facebook, I have begun reading again - this is a little time to myself! But I'm getting there - starting to run again, so I get 20-30 min to myself when I do this. The next thing on my list to actually go out on a date with my husband once in a while...Balance, I hope it finds me sooner, rather than later.
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