Question #5

I'm skipping around I suppose. This question called to me - yes, I needed to reflect on it.

Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?

Yes, I am. I don't think I'm such a slave to dress - I don't have to have designer clothes, and I often buy my clothes from the thrift shop. I have my own style and my own tastes. They are perhaps influenced by those around me, but when it comes to dress, I am not a slave to those influences.

I am, however a slave to my friends and work - for sure. I am a people pleaser. I often do things so that people will like me. I do more at work for recognition. I am a slave to my work because I want to do a good job. I am a slave to the people at work because I have a hard time with my boundaries and I can't seem to always say no. I work on this constantly. I often feel like if I were to really try to NOT be a slave to work or friends that I would become a bitch - or I guess really that I would be seen as a bitch.

So, you know that golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or something like that). Maybe I take that too literally. I am a slave to my friends, doing countless favors to them, because I suppose I hope that one day they can return me the favors. If I was in need, I would hope that my friends would be there for me. I am a slave to work, doing things often above and beyond - not sure why I do this, but it's in my nature I suppose. I don't know how to not do it. Some weeks, I don't give work 110%, and I feel like crap because of this - like I've let them down in some way.  And in some cases, I now feel that people have come to expect things of me, so when I really want to tell them no, I can't, I feel I have no place to do so.

Let me reflect a bit more on work. I work at a church - my church. I have been told by a variety of people at my job that they don't want me to NOT come to worship on Sundays because I need a "break" from work. That people are asking me too many work questions on Sunday. My response is often - I don't mind. I suppose this is not entirely true - and my boundaries are not well defined on a Sunday morning. Here is as defined as I can get. If it revolves around the Sunday Service - if something that I have done during the week has made it such that something is not going smooth. If I forgot to print out enough bulletins, or if I forgot to put out a sign up sheet for something - basically if I should have done something during the week, and I have forgotten it on Sunday - I need to do it, and I don't mind being asked. If someone is trying to use the office equipment on Sunday - the copier, computer, etc - and they don't know how - please, by all means, ask me. This will save me, and you, heartache in the end. If someone is asking me to do something next week - leave a note on my desk. If you are wanting to sign up for something - leave a note on my desk (or sign up for it on the welcome table if that is where it is). If you want something announced in the bulletin - send me an email, please! If I got something wrong with some sort of announcement (i.e. date, time, etc) just announce it and send me and email or leave me a note gently reminding me of it. Most likely it was a typo. If I am on vacation, and it's not an emergency - don't call me on Sunday. What's an emergency? The PowerPoint NOT turning on properly is NOT an emergency. All the computers blowing up and I may have chaos in the office when I get back on Monday - that may be considered a minor emergency. Yeah, OK... no clear, black and white, boundaries for me. It's a grey area, I think. I mean, I feel it comes as part of the job. If you don't see me all week, and then on Sunday, you see me and ,oh, you remembered something you wanted to talk to me about, work related, I totally understand why you are coming up to me to talk to me about it - but really, leave me a note. I won't remember what it is you want me to do otherwise.

I suppose, in order for me to NOT be a slave to my work, I need to work a little harder on my boundaries. I have this book - boundaries... It's a christian book, maybe you've heard of it. I have the workbook too. yeah, I started it, and then I put it down about a year ago. Perhaps I should pick it back up again.

So, now, am I a slave to my habits. Actually, I almost wish I was a slave to my habits. I wish that my habits of working out, eating right, praying, reading, etc were ingrained enough that I absolutely had to do them or life would stop. When I do these healthy habits, I am such a better person. I'm not a slave to my bad habits either... Thank goodness I am not addicted to any substance that I have to be a slave to. I think that being a slave to your habits - your good, healthy habits, is not necessarily a bad thing.