Doing Christmas with JOY

So, as a mom, we all know that this time of year is hard. Like most moms, I have children who know how to be thankful, know that they "should" be less self centered - but lets face it... the "me" bug hits hard this time of year. And the age where my children are (9 and 11), it is also just part of their development. But, as a mom, it is my job to help teach them, even though it may seem futile.

Yes, it's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm writing about Christmas - but it's because of the fact that Advent starts so close to Thanksgiving this year that I am already thinking ahead. I noticed the other day other mom friends having similar thoughts. How can we be sure that this year is different - or how can we continue to teach our children through an ever increasing commercialization that takes over this time of year.

One friend mentioned celebrating the season with J.O.Y - Jesus, Others, Yourself (in that order). This is not a new concept - is a simple concept - and is often overlooked. So, this year, I am remembering to celebrate the season with JOY for myself, and for my children.

So, how can we do this?

Jesus: Remember the reason for the season. There will be tons of super conservative folks out there who will throw in my face that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to discount any of this. The origins of why we celebrate Jesus' birth in December does not mean we should not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons... and that is the birth of Christ (come on, how many have celebrated a birthday at a different time of year because of when your birthday falls?) So, remember Jesus and the coming hope this season. One of the ways we do this as a family is to light an advent wreath throughout the season of Advent (my children make one every year at our church - but you can make one easily enough). Each week we light the correct amount of candles, and focus on the themes of Advent: Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.

Others: This should be an easy one, right? Think of someone else this season. It's when most donations go UP for organizations. The other day I was speaking to our pastor, and he reminded me about giving this time of year, and how one of the best ways is to give a gift that will go beyond Christmas. When I was a kid, our church did holiday food boxes - in youth group we got to go shopping for these food boxes. I remember thinking how much fun that was, for us, to give something to someone who had little. But that doesn't fill a bigger need. While these boxes (or holiday gifts) are important for families - we all want the holidays to be special - we need to think beyond the holidays. So.. Consider the organizations you give to - I would highly suggest giving to your church. Most churches have some sort of Family Assistance fund - or a pastor's discretionary fund where the pastor can help out someone in need. Consider giving money to this, or food cards, gas cards, grocery cards. These can be used during the holiday season AND beyond.

Yourself: And then the part we all love - giving to you... well, after we have thought of the first two, "you" doesn't seem so important, does it. This is when I realized I truly have all I "need" and most of what I "want". Sometimes my "wants" and "needs" are skewed - and this helps me to realize what is important. This season, people have already been asking me, "what do you want for Christmas?" I can honestly say that there isn't anything, besides TIME, that I want for Christmas. Maybe this means I've finally grown up...

So there you have it. May we all have much JOY this holiday season.

The Gospel According to Dave

At work, my boss asked me to put up some quotes all around the building - thought provoking quotes to get people talking. I had to stop myself because really, all I wanted to do was put up a whole bunch of Dave Matthews quotes.

Yes, I am a HUGE fan! His music is amazing - but part of the reason why his music is so amazing is because it talks directly to me. There is so much we can learn from Dave - who by the way was born a Quaker and doesn't necessarily consider himself religious these days. I think God speaks through Dave more than anyone can know. God speaks through all musicians, if we are brave enough to listen.

Here are a few favorite verses from the Gospel of Dave...

The future is no place to place your better days.

Could I have been anyone other than me.

Crazy as I may make my way through this world, it's for no one but me to say what direction I shall turn.

A couple of my favorite songs you must listen to - cause there is so much he is saying in them:

Funny the Way it Is
Captain
Everyday
Dive In

And if you can't tell what he's saying, or you're not sure you agree - listen again. :)

There's a man...

There's a mentally ill man who walks the streets of Arcata and Mckinleyville daily. If you are close to the Valley west area of Arcata in the mornings, or anywhere in McKinleyville in the afternoons, you probably have seen him. All he does is walk .... and talk to himself. I saw him today - he looked cold. He always seems to have clean clothes on and newish shoes - I don't know if he is homeless or not. He always seems somewhat clean. But he's walking, and talking.... and this morning he was shivering.  I said a little prayer for him today.

My guard is always up when he comes around the church - he comes in at least once every other day, and on the days he doesn't come in, he passes by and looks in the windows.  I'll admit, I'm a little fearful. I don't know what this man's mental illness is - and it is plain to see when you meet him that he is having to deal with something.  He hasn't ever shown me any violence, but I have seen him yell at others. So, I keep my guard up. Sometimes I am at the church when it is late - 5pm or later - due to something my children are doing (karate or scouts). I'm protective.... if it's jut myself and my children there, I will make sure the door is locked if I see him down the street, or if he comes in when I don't notice, I tell him the church is closed. He almost always calmly leaves.  I often feel bad, but since I don't know this man, I am putting my gut feelings, and possibly my judgements, over compassion as I am in protective mode.

But... today I said a prayer for him. I said a prayer for all mentally ill... for those who have the courage to work with the mentally ill... for all those, like myself, who sometimes turn their heads on the mentally ill.  I said a prayer today, for compassion, for love, for understanding.

Hate

Paula Deen is a racist. It's all in the news. She said the "N" word. Everyone is in an uproar over it. Some are in total support of Paula - hey, she apologized, right? - and some are completely against her now. Here's something I have heard a lot since this public outrage - Well, gee, if black people can say the "N" word towards each other, or in rap songs, why can't Paula - or "Why are we outraged over a rich white woman saying these things but not over rich black men who are rappers who say these things?"


What is it that we teach our children? I don't know about you, but when my child does something and he tells me, "But little Johnny was doing that too!" - do I accept that? Do you accept that when your child says something similar? Ok, maybe you do.... but most of the moms I know do NOT! I tell my son - "Just because someone else does this thing does not make it OK for you to do it!"  It is the same with this whole "N" word and Paula Dean issue. Just because some prominent people in society say something doesn't make it OK. It is NOT OK for Paula Dean to say the "N" word just because it is sometimes heard by people of color towards each other. If you listen closely, it has negative connotations, no matter who says it. Why would it EVER be OK to use any dirogitory term towards ANYONE!? Lets remember the wise word's of  Thumper -

 

The best thing we can do as human beings is to stop the hate - stop it in it's tracks. When someone says something that is hurtful - don't listen, say something, step up - but don't fuel it with more hate. Don't spread HATE for what Paula Deen has said.... Educate! We all can learn from this. Spreading more hateful words around just causes the circle of hate to perpetuate. Don't contribute to these thought processes.

Do not mistake this post as something that is glossing over the many different places that the "N" word is still ever present in our society today. What do I want you to take home from this? Look at your own thoughts on racism - and prejudice in general. Whether you want to accept it or not, we all have a little prejudice. It is how we deal with our own prejudice that sets us apart. Don't give in to hate.

pretending to be happy

Pretending to be happy is all I know what to do right now. We all pretend to be happy when we are really hurting... Me? I don't often like to open up until I end up bursting, then I can't help it.

I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).

I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.

When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.

Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.

The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy.  My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.

So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.

Make room for Jesus

I'm not used to being a part of something so "christian" as church camp. I went to church camp when I was a kid - I loved it! But, I have always been just a little bit uncomfortable with a little TOO much Jesus. I think a few of our kids at camp might feel the same way. We don't speak a lot of "Jesus Talk" or "God Speak" at the Church of the Joyful Healer.

There is actually something soothing and fun about being at an all christian - all Methodist youth church camp. Not too long ago I had someone in my church say that we should encourage the children of our church to go to church camps that are closer to home - camps that are NOT Methodist - but are Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, etc. As Methodists, we are open to all faiths - and all dogmas - so this idea to have my child go to a different denomination camp should not bother me. But I somehow would rather not encourage that of my own children - at least at this time. If they had a friend who asked them to camp, that would be something different. But, there is just something about going to a Methodist Church camp when you are Methodists.

Let me pull back a moment, and explain something that happened a few months ago. We were visiting a friend of mine who happens to be Mormon - and her son asked my sons - "So what religion are you?" - of course my kids were like - "uh, we believe in God" - and he came back with "no, what are you? like are you Mormon like us, or some other religion?" This made me think that my kids don't even know that they are being raised Methodist.

So, back to camp - having my child at church camp - and not just church camp, but a Methodist Church Camp - helps them to find an identity to their faith. It helps them to see that there are others who believe similar to them. Not that there isn't similarity between all churches, dogmas, and even religions, but there is just something about having that similarity and identity. It's not segregation of religions... it's not saying that they should only get together with others who believe as they do... it's just a commonality between everyone who is there - and to a child, this commonality supports identity and creates long lasting bonds!

Today, I have seen my son play, interact, talk, etc with a very diverse group of youth! If he comes back next year, he will see many of the same youth! He will gain friendships for life! Perhaps he will grow in faith. He will definitely have positive role models. For all the headaches that have happened because of camp - fundraising, drivers, etc - I am glad that my child has got this experience! I hope he wants to go back for another year! or MORE!! And who knows, perhaps I'll have forgotten all the pains leading up to the experience, and choose to do it again as well! :) Being "Camp Mom" is kind of fun! and it's great having all the kids from church here to check in on!

Rainbows

This is a heated topic - especially in the Methodist Church. The reason why I love Methodists is that we all have different opinions! The reason I get frustrated with Methodists is that we all have different opinions. It's not like I pretend that my opinion is the right one. I have to say I believe I'm fairly middle of the road thinking - which is a blessing and a curse because I feel that I see both sides of the issues too well, and it often makes it hard for myself to formulate my own feelings on certain issues.  However, this is an issue I do feel strong about - and I am often quiet about because too many of my friends and family are on the other side of the fence.  I want to be silent no more - I'm trying.

The supreme court voted that DOMA and Prop 8 are unconstitutional! FINALLY!! It was a close one - like in our own Methodist guidelines - the fight for full inclusion is still a close one. I know the scriptures that many try to throw at you to show that God was against anything besides heterosexual unions - and I'm sorry, if you look at the context of those scriptures, in my eyes and interpretations, they do not add up. When it comes to true love - gay or straight - Love is Love and God is for ALL love! When it comes to all people - whether you are of a different race, ethnic background, sexual orientation or anything else - Jesus loves you!

OK - side note here - do you know how hard it is for me to admit myself that Jesus loves me?! And for me to say it to you, that is even harder. I don't go for that whole "sin" thing.... I hate the word "sin" - I hate the context it is used in. I hate that it is so used that we all feel unworthy. I hate that I am quiet about my beliefs - that while I feel this close and personal relationship with God and Jesus, I still don't feel fully comfortable talking about it, talking about sin, accepting that the real definition of sin is not doing something BAD but simply missing the mark. That God is not disappointed in me.

So, that being said - God loves you. Jesus loves you. You are not a disappointment! If you love differently, it's OK. Guess what... if you disagree with me - it's still OK. God loves you! If I can change your mind - I will try. But I do not condemn you for having a different view from me. Please don't use your view to hate. And thank God for open-mindedness.