Today, I read something from an old "Upper Room" devotional - "Because I am a Christian, I love to share my faith with anyone who will listen." and "Sharing our faith can prepare others to receive God's grace."
I don't like to talk about religion to pretty much anyone. I rarely ever invite people to church - not because I am unhappy with my church, but because to me, religion is such an intimate thing in someone's relationship. I think in the last 10 years, I have only truly invited 1 person to church. And you know what? She still comes today. She's gotten a lot of healing from our church, and I'm so happy that she is a part of my church family.
But, I have realized that "sharing your faith" is not just about inviting someone to church. Think about the 3 degrees of influence. Sharing my faith can simply be me influencing another person by how I act out my faith. Even though I am hesitant to invite someone to church, I am not scared to tell someone I go to Church. I work at a church, I volunteer at church. I am not afraid to invite someone to something our church is doing - a service project or an activity.
There is so much negative ideas that surround faith, religion, Christianity, etc. Did you know, most people consider themselves spiritual, but do not prescribe to any religion, and do not wish to go to church. It means that we all have a feeling of the divine, we just don't necessarily want to label it, put it in a box, and worship it in a building. But, I am one of those who do... sort of. When someone knows that I am a Christian - and more specifically a Methodist - someone who goes to the Church of the Joyful Healer - I hope that I am influencing them in a specific way. That I change their preconceived notions of what they thought Christians were - in a positive way. I hope that by my actions of service and love, I am influencing them to be a better person. That by them seeing how I act to do something beautiful for God in my life, community and world - they will in turn do the same, which will influence their children and friends, who will then influence their families and friends.
I often hear - "How do I share my faith to someone who doesn't believe the same as I do?" or "How do I invite a friend to church?" This isn't the only way to share your faith. Church is simply one outlet of sharing ones faith - but there are other ways. My church once a month has an Art Night. I invite people to that. My church does a monthly service project at Patrick's Point State Park - I invite people to that. So, even though I have a problem specifically inviting someone to a church service - I don't have any problem inviting someone to a special program we are doing.
So, re-think church! Think outside the box! There are other ways besides physically going to worship service where you can share your faith.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Feeling a Nudge...
God speaks to us in so many ways... for me, it's sometimes in the way of an uncomfortable nudge.
2 weeks ago - I felt a nudge to speak in church. I'm an introvert - public speaking terrifies me! But i felt this need to do this - and it was well received.
Last week - I felt a nudge to give a little more (financially). I basically go to two churches, but I am only a member of one. I have been increasing my tithe to my church to where I am doing just about 10% tithe of the money that I make personally (not my husband's money - this is a choice I make spiritually - when or if he chooses to embrace Christianity as I have, we may choose to do differently). In January, I chose to give a "2nd mile" giving to Imagine No Malaria - I purchase 1 "net" a month ($10 donation). So, last week, I was nudged to give to my 2nd church family - the church I go to 1-2 times a month. The other church I work for. I didn't feel that I should share what I have already pledged to the church where I am a member of - I did not feel that was right. So, you could say this extra tithing is more of a "3rd mile" giving. It's not much, about 1% of my income, but it is what I can do right now and is something I am pledging to do for the rest of the year.
2 days ago - I felt a nudge to make a meal. I haven't done it yet - looking into the specifics of the need. The Arcata UMC commits to making a meal for the Arcata Night Shelter 2x per month. It's often the same people doing it over and over - and often, when there is a night no one can do it - one of the church "elders" does it. But 2 days ago, I got this nudge to do it at least once every 2 months. I can make a meal for 20 people who have nothing - it will make me feel like I am helping and I know I will be doing something beautiful for God - and what God has nudged me to do.
Yesterday - I felt a nudge to do a service project. I'm hoping to get the youth involved. My idea - to set up a booth outside of K-mart and ask people to support UMCOR by purchasing items for kits. These kits are sent to disaster locations. Then having the youth put the kits together. I think it could be cool - fun. Plus, I would like to see my child do more in the way of service when it comes to youth group.
My nudges are coming more and more often! I think it's because I've been a bit more open to where and who God wants me to be.
2 weeks ago - I felt a nudge to speak in church. I'm an introvert - public speaking terrifies me! But i felt this need to do this - and it was well received.
Last week - I felt a nudge to give a little more (financially). I basically go to two churches, but I am only a member of one. I have been increasing my tithe to my church to where I am doing just about 10% tithe of the money that I make personally (not my husband's money - this is a choice I make spiritually - when or if he chooses to embrace Christianity as I have, we may choose to do differently). In January, I chose to give a "2nd mile" giving to Imagine No Malaria - I purchase 1 "net" a month ($10 donation). So, last week, I was nudged to give to my 2nd church family - the church I go to 1-2 times a month. The other church I work for. I didn't feel that I should share what I have already pledged to the church where I am a member of - I did not feel that was right. So, you could say this extra tithing is more of a "3rd mile" giving. It's not much, about 1% of my income, but it is what I can do right now and is something I am pledging to do for the rest of the year.
2 days ago - I felt a nudge to make a meal. I haven't done it yet - looking into the specifics of the need. The Arcata UMC commits to making a meal for the Arcata Night Shelter 2x per month. It's often the same people doing it over and over - and often, when there is a night no one can do it - one of the church "elders" does it. But 2 days ago, I got this nudge to do it at least once every 2 months. I can make a meal for 20 people who have nothing - it will make me feel like I am helping and I know I will be doing something beautiful for God - and what God has nudged me to do.
Yesterday - I felt a nudge to do a service project. I'm hoping to get the youth involved. My idea - to set up a booth outside of K-mart and ask people to support UMCOR by purchasing items for kits. These kits are sent to disaster locations. Then having the youth put the kits together. I think it could be cool - fun. Plus, I would like to see my child do more in the way of service when it comes to youth group.
My nudges are coming more and more often! I think it's because I've been a bit more open to where and who God wants me to be.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
In Dark Times
Things I hear a lot:
- you have the power to make yourself happy, you just have to choose to do so.
- don't let what other people say or do affect your happiness.
- trust in God when you are down. He will lift you up.
Depression is real, and no matter how much I trust in God, it is not going to go away.
The days grow shorter - the sun comes up later and goes down earlier. It always seems dark. It's cold.
The Jones' are buying up everything they can, while the every day person isn't sure if there is enough money to fill the gas tank this week.
Parents work and work to make sure they have enough money to give their children a special holiday, or to be a part of some recreational sport.
Taxes are due, gas and electric bills go up, trips and extra grocery costs are forgotten in the annual budget.
These are realities - no band-aid can cover.
- you have the power to make yourself happy, you just have to choose to do so.
- don't let what other people say or do affect your happiness.
- trust in God when you are down. He will lift you up.
Depression is real, and no matter how much I trust in God, it is not going to go away.
The days grow shorter - the sun comes up later and goes down earlier. It always seems dark. It's cold.
The Jones' are buying up everything they can, while the every day person isn't sure if there is enough money to fill the gas tank this week.
Parents work and work to make sure they have enough money to give their children a special holiday, or to be a part of some recreational sport.
Taxes are due, gas and electric bills go up, trips and extra grocery costs are forgotten in the annual budget.
These are realities - no band-aid can cover.
Money Challenge
I've been praying a lot about money lately. Not that I am coveting money, or that I am idolizing money. I'm not praying TO money, I'm praying about money. I'm praying about how to manage and deal with my money.
For the past 15 years, we have basically been flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to money. It's not that we don't know HOW to manage money, it's that our priorities have been a bit skewed, and we have simply been living without a budget. OK, we still don't have a budget, but I'm working on baby steps here.
A few years ago, I challenged myself to pray about money and giving. I chose to give monthly to my church. I give from the money I make, not the family income, and at first, I didn't give a full 10%. Now I'm just about there. It feels good being able to give that commitment every month.
This year, I want to do more with my money. I've been praying about saving - getting into a habit of giving to the savings at the beginning of each month (or really, in my case, as soon as I get paid, so it's 2x a month) just like I do with my tithe. Not only giving to my own savings, but my children's as well. It's not much, it doesn't have to be much. Baby steps, right?
So, I have a bit of a goal in mind. First - saving for summer. Every summer I work less - which means I have less to do with, and we typically have to prepare for this ahead of time, or it gets us in the butt. But I don't want my savings to be completely depleted every summer. So... I have another goal. Saving for 2 trips - one in 2015 that we just planned and one in 2017 that has been a bit of a pipe dream, and will continue to be so if we don't save.
I thought to myself, how am I going to do that. That is a LOT of money! Yes, but do you know how much going out to fast food costs?? I"m sure that on average, I have spent $20-$30 going out to fast food every week. That's an average - some weeks less, some... more. Wow, can you imagine if I didn't do this how much I would be able to "save"? Now, lets face it, absolutely no fast food is not a reality for my lifestyle. I am often on the run a lot with my children, and are simply unable to do things like bring food with me ALL the time for dinner. but, we can cut back.
What about the other stuff I buy that I don't need. It's time to set those priorities. So, I've been praying about money. I've been praying about my priorities on spending. And I challenge you to do the same.
For the past 15 years, we have basically been flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to money. It's not that we don't know HOW to manage money, it's that our priorities have been a bit skewed, and we have simply been living without a budget. OK, we still don't have a budget, but I'm working on baby steps here.
A few years ago, I challenged myself to pray about money and giving. I chose to give monthly to my church. I give from the money I make, not the family income, and at first, I didn't give a full 10%. Now I'm just about there. It feels good being able to give that commitment every month.
This year, I want to do more with my money. I've been praying about saving - getting into a habit of giving to the savings at the beginning of each month (or really, in my case, as soon as I get paid, so it's 2x a month) just like I do with my tithe. Not only giving to my own savings, but my children's as well. It's not much, it doesn't have to be much. Baby steps, right?
So, I have a bit of a goal in mind. First - saving for summer. Every summer I work less - which means I have less to do with, and we typically have to prepare for this ahead of time, or it gets us in the butt. But I don't want my savings to be completely depleted every summer. So... I have another goal. Saving for 2 trips - one in 2015 that we just planned and one in 2017 that has been a bit of a pipe dream, and will continue to be so if we don't save.
I thought to myself, how am I going to do that. That is a LOT of money! Yes, but do you know how much going out to fast food costs?? I"m sure that on average, I have spent $20-$30 going out to fast food every week. That's an average - some weeks less, some... more. Wow, can you imagine if I didn't do this how much I would be able to "save"? Now, lets face it, absolutely no fast food is not a reality for my lifestyle. I am often on the run a lot with my children, and are simply unable to do things like bring food with me ALL the time for dinner. but, we can cut back.
What about the other stuff I buy that I don't need. It's time to set those priorities. So, I've been praying about money. I've been praying about my priorities on spending. And I challenge you to do the same.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Doing Christmas with JOY
So, as a mom, we all know that this time of year is hard. Like most moms, I have children who know how to be thankful, know that they "should" be less self centered - but lets face it... the "me" bug hits hard this time of year. And the age where my children are (9 and 11), it is also just part of their development. But, as a mom, it is my job to help teach them, even though it may seem futile.
Yes, it's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm writing about Christmas - but it's because of the fact that Advent starts so close to Thanksgiving this year that I am already thinking ahead. I noticed the other day other mom friends having similar thoughts. How can we be sure that this year is different - or how can we continue to teach our children through an ever increasing commercialization that takes over this time of year.
One friend mentioned celebrating the season with J.O.Y - Jesus, Others, Yourself (in that order). This is not a new concept - is a simple concept - and is often overlooked. So, this year, I am remembering to celebrate the season with JOY for myself, and for my children.
So, how can we do this?
Jesus: Remember the reason for the season. There will be tons of super conservative folks out there who will throw in my face that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to discount any of this. The origins of why we celebrate Jesus' birth in December does not mean we should not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons... and that is the birth of Christ (come on, how many have celebrated a birthday at a different time of year because of when your birthday falls?) So, remember Jesus and the coming hope this season. One of the ways we do this as a family is to light an advent wreath throughout the season of Advent (my children make one every year at our church - but you can make one easily enough). Each week we light the correct amount of candles, and focus on the themes of Advent: Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.
Others: This should be an easy one, right? Think of someone else this season. It's when most donations go UP for organizations. The other day I was speaking to our pastor, and he reminded me about giving this time of year, and how one of the best ways is to give a gift that will go beyond Christmas. When I was a kid, our church did holiday food boxes - in youth group we got to go shopping for these food boxes. I remember thinking how much fun that was, for us, to give something to someone who had little. But that doesn't fill a bigger need. While these boxes (or holiday gifts) are important for families - we all want the holidays to be special - we need to think beyond the holidays. So.. Consider the organizations you give to - I would highly suggest giving to your church. Most churches have some sort of Family Assistance fund - or a pastor's discretionary fund where the pastor can help out someone in need. Consider giving money to this, or food cards, gas cards, grocery cards. These can be used during the holiday season AND beyond.
Yourself: And then the part we all love - giving to you... well, after we have thought of the first two, "you" doesn't seem so important, does it. This is when I realized I truly have all I "need" and most of what I "want". Sometimes my "wants" and "needs" are skewed - and this helps me to realize what is important. This season, people have already been asking me, "what do you want for Christmas?" I can honestly say that there isn't anything, besides TIME, that I want for Christmas. Maybe this means I've finally grown up...
So there you have it. May we all have much JOY this holiday season.
Yes, it's not even Thanksgiving, and I'm writing about Christmas - but it's because of the fact that Advent starts so close to Thanksgiving this year that I am already thinking ahead. I noticed the other day other mom friends having similar thoughts. How can we be sure that this year is different - or how can we continue to teach our children through an ever increasing commercialization that takes over this time of year.
One friend mentioned celebrating the season with J.O.Y - Jesus, Others, Yourself (in that order). This is not a new concept - is a simple concept - and is often overlooked. So, this year, I am remembering to celebrate the season with JOY for myself, and for my children.
So, how can we do this?
Jesus: Remember the reason for the season. There will be tons of super conservative folks out there who will throw in my face that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to discount any of this. The origins of why we celebrate Jesus' birth in December does not mean we should not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons... and that is the birth of Christ (come on, how many have celebrated a birthday at a different time of year because of when your birthday falls?) So, remember Jesus and the coming hope this season. One of the ways we do this as a family is to light an advent wreath throughout the season of Advent (my children make one every year at our church - but you can make one easily enough). Each week we light the correct amount of candles, and focus on the themes of Advent: Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.
Others: This should be an easy one, right? Think of someone else this season. It's when most donations go UP for organizations. The other day I was speaking to our pastor, and he reminded me about giving this time of year, and how one of the best ways is to give a gift that will go beyond Christmas. When I was a kid, our church did holiday food boxes - in youth group we got to go shopping for these food boxes. I remember thinking how much fun that was, for us, to give something to someone who had little. But that doesn't fill a bigger need. While these boxes (or holiday gifts) are important for families - we all want the holidays to be special - we need to think beyond the holidays. So.. Consider the organizations you give to - I would highly suggest giving to your church. Most churches have some sort of Family Assistance fund - or a pastor's discretionary fund where the pastor can help out someone in need. Consider giving money to this, or food cards, gas cards, grocery cards. These can be used during the holiday season AND beyond.
Yourself: And then the part we all love - giving to you... well, after we have thought of the first two, "you" doesn't seem so important, does it. This is when I realized I truly have all I "need" and most of what I "want". Sometimes my "wants" and "needs" are skewed - and this helps me to realize what is important. This season, people have already been asking me, "what do you want for Christmas?" I can honestly say that there isn't anything, besides TIME, that I want for Christmas. Maybe this means I've finally grown up...
So there you have it. May we all have much JOY this holiday season.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Gospel According to Dave
At work, my boss asked me to put up some quotes all around the building - thought provoking quotes to get people talking. I had to stop myself because really, all I wanted to do was put up a whole bunch of Dave Matthews quotes.
Yes, I am a HUGE fan! His music is amazing - but part of the reason why his music is so amazing is because it talks directly to me. There is so much we can learn from Dave - who by the way was born a Quaker and doesn't necessarily consider himself religious these days. I think God speaks through Dave more than anyone can know. God speaks through all musicians, if we are brave enough to listen.
Here are a few favorite verses from the Gospel of Dave...
The future is no place to place your better days.
Could I have been anyone other than me.
Crazy as I may make my way through this world, it's for no one but me to say what direction I shall turn.
A couple of my favorite songs you must listen to - cause there is so much he is saying in them:
Funny the Way it Is
Captain
Everyday
Dive In
And if you can't tell what he's saying, or you're not sure you agree - listen again. :)
Yes, I am a HUGE fan! His music is amazing - but part of the reason why his music is so amazing is because it talks directly to me. There is so much we can learn from Dave - who by the way was born a Quaker and doesn't necessarily consider himself religious these days. I think God speaks through Dave more than anyone can know. God speaks through all musicians, if we are brave enough to listen.
Here are a few favorite verses from the Gospel of Dave...
The future is no place to place your better days.
Could I have been anyone other than me.
Crazy as I may make my way through this world, it's for no one but me to say what direction I shall turn.
A couple of my favorite songs you must listen to - cause there is so much he is saying in them:
Funny the Way it Is
Captain
Everyday
Dive In
And if you can't tell what he's saying, or you're not sure you agree - listen again. :)
Friday, September 27, 2013
There's a man...
There's a mentally ill man who walks the streets of Arcata and Mckinleyville daily. If you are close to the Valley west area of Arcata in the mornings, or anywhere in McKinleyville in the afternoons, you probably have seen him. All he does is walk .... and talk to himself. I saw him today - he looked cold. He always seems to have clean clothes on and newish shoes - I don't know if he is homeless or not. He always seems somewhat clean. But he's walking, and talking.... and this morning he was shivering. I said a little prayer for him today.
My guard is always up when he comes around the church - he comes in at least once every other day, and on the days he doesn't come in, he passes by and looks in the windows. I'll admit, I'm a little fearful. I don't know what this man's mental illness is - and it is plain to see when you meet him that he is having to deal with something. He hasn't ever shown me any violence, but I have seen him yell at others. So, I keep my guard up. Sometimes I am at the church when it is late - 5pm or later - due to something my children are doing (karate or scouts). I'm protective.... if it's jut myself and my children there, I will make sure the door is locked if I see him down the street, or if he comes in when I don't notice, I tell him the church is closed. He almost always calmly leaves. I often feel bad, but since I don't know this man, I am putting my gut feelings, and possibly my judgements, over compassion as I am in protective mode.
But... today I said a prayer for him. I said a prayer for all mentally ill... for those who have the courage to work with the mentally ill... for all those, like myself, who sometimes turn their heads on the mentally ill. I said a prayer today, for compassion, for love, for understanding.
My guard is always up when he comes around the church - he comes in at least once every other day, and on the days he doesn't come in, he passes by and looks in the windows. I'll admit, I'm a little fearful. I don't know what this man's mental illness is - and it is plain to see when you meet him that he is having to deal with something. He hasn't ever shown me any violence, but I have seen him yell at others. So, I keep my guard up. Sometimes I am at the church when it is late - 5pm or later - due to something my children are doing (karate or scouts). I'm protective.... if it's jut myself and my children there, I will make sure the door is locked if I see him down the street, or if he comes in when I don't notice, I tell him the church is closed. He almost always calmly leaves. I often feel bad, but since I don't know this man, I am putting my gut feelings, and possibly my judgements, over compassion as I am in protective mode.
But... today I said a prayer for him. I said a prayer for all mentally ill... for those who have the courage to work with the mentally ill... for all those, like myself, who sometimes turn their heads on the mentally ill. I said a prayer today, for compassion, for love, for understanding.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Hate
Paula Deen is a racist. It's all in the news. She said the "N" word. Everyone is in an uproar over it. Some are in total support of Paula - hey, she apologized, right? - and some are completely against her now. Here's something I have heard a lot since this public outrage - Well, gee, if black people can say the "N" word towards each other, or in rap songs, why can't Paula - or "Why are we outraged over a rich white woman saying these things but not over rich black men who are rappers who say these things?"
What is it that we teach our children? I don't know about you, but when my child does something and he tells me, "But little Johnny was doing that too!" - do I accept that? Do you accept that when your child says something similar? Ok, maybe you do.... but most of the moms I know do NOT! I tell my son - "Just because someone else does this thing does not make it OK for you to do it!" It is the same with this whole "N" word and Paula Dean issue. Just because some prominent people in society say something doesn't make it OK. It is NOT OK for Paula Dean to say the "N" word just because it is sometimes heard by people of color towards each other. If you listen closely, it has negative connotations, no matter who says it. Why would it EVER be OK to use any dirogitory term towards ANYONE!? Lets remember the wise word's of Thumper -
Do not mistake this post as something that is glossing over the many different places that the "N" word is still ever present in our society today. What do I want you to take home from this? Look at your own thoughts on racism - and prejudice in general. Whether you want to accept it or not, we all have a little prejudice. It is how we deal with our own prejudice that sets us apart. Don't give in to hate.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
pretending to be happy
Pretending to be happy is all I know what to do right now. We all pretend to be happy when we are really hurting... Me? I don't often like to open up until I end up bursting, then I can't help it.
I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).
I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.
When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.
Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.
The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy. My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.
So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.
I'm at an almost bursting point right now... but when someone asks me "How are you doing?" - the only thing I know to answer is "great! how about you?" with a big smile. I figured no one really wants to know that deep inside, I'm questioning some my current career path - that I love working, I love where I work, I love what I do, but finding myself feeling so unsettled and not sure about things, and feeling like I haven't been very affective lately at my job. No one really wants to know that I don't really have it all together. That at any second, all the balls will drop, or can drop, and that when they do, I'll be a mess. No one wants to know how stressed I am, every single day. That I say yes to things, and constantly regret them, but because of how I was raised, and my ethics, I almost never take back that yes (the only times have been if there is something really important preventing me from doing it that I neglected to look at).
I pretend to be happy, but most days, I just want someone to call me up and say "hey, how are you doing? are you buys for lunch?" or have my husband surprise me with a dinner date. I pretend to be happy when it occurs to me that I have gone a full week without a single friend calling me up - all because I've been so busy I haven't had time to breath. Maybe they have been busy too, but at that moment, I'm selfish, and sad.
When talking to someone who clearly has major problems that they need help with - and a shoulder to cry on or lean on - I pretend to be happy. Pretend that I don't have any problems, because mine are so much more insignificant compared to theirs, and in that moment, they are the ones who matter, not me.
Most days, I look like I have it all together. I have a smile on my face, and I often ignore everything that is bothering me...Today, I want my family together. I don't want to be so needed by everyone. I don't want to care about money (my money, or the money of the organization I work for). I don't want to worry about my friends going through divorces, or family members having marriage problems. I don't want to think about my child's attitude problems due to screen time - and heck yeah, I want to just plug them in because I want to relax myself. I don't want to be responsible - or be the ONLY one responsible.... cleaning up after everyone, being the bad guy saying no, cleaning up after kid puke, cat puke or dog poop.
The Sun is out, it is shining. I should be happy. God is good, I should be happy. My kids are amazing, I have a great marriage - not devoid of problems, but we work them out - I should be happy. I have an amazing job, a great church family, I should be happy. I should be happy because I am relatively well, I don't get sick very often. I should be happy because our money problems are stabilizing - not out of the wood works yet, but oh so much better then they were a year ago. So, why am I only pretending today to be happy. Why do I have this super hollow feeling inside - and why do I not feel like what I'm doing, and what is going on around me, is enough - to fulfill me, to make me the person I want to be, to please others and my family, etc.
So, today, when I'm out an about, I suppose I'll continue to pretend to be happy - it's all I know how to do right now.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Make room for Jesus
I'm not used to being a part of something so "christian" as church camp. I went to church camp when I was a kid - I loved it! But, I have always been just a little bit uncomfortable with a little TOO much Jesus. I think a few of our kids at camp might feel the same way. We don't speak a lot of "Jesus Talk" or "God Speak" at the Church of the Joyful Healer.
There is actually something soothing and fun about being at an all christian - all Methodist youth church camp. Not too long ago I had someone in my church say that we should encourage the children of our church to go to church camps that are closer to home - camps that are NOT Methodist - but are Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, etc. As Methodists, we are open to all faiths - and all dogmas - so this idea to have my child go to a different denomination camp should not bother me. But I somehow would rather not encourage that of my own children - at least at this time. If they had a friend who asked them to camp, that would be something different. But, there is just something about going to a Methodist Church camp when you are Methodists.
Let me pull back a moment, and explain something that happened a few months ago. We were visiting a friend of mine who happens to be Mormon - and her son asked my sons - "So what religion are you?" - of course my kids were like - "uh, we believe in God" - and he came back with "no, what are you? like are you Mormon like us, or some other religion?" This made me think that my kids don't even know that they are being raised Methodist.
So, back to camp - having my child at church camp - and not just church camp, but a Methodist Church Camp - helps them to find an identity to their faith. It helps them to see that there are others who believe similar to them. Not that there isn't similarity between all churches, dogmas, and even religions, but there is just something about having that similarity and identity. It's not segregation of religions... it's not saying that they should only get together with others who believe as they do... it's just a commonality between everyone who is there - and to a child, this commonality supports identity and creates long lasting bonds!
Today, I have seen my son play, interact, talk, etc with a very diverse group of youth! If he comes back next year, he will see many of the same youth! He will gain friendships for life! Perhaps he will grow in faith. He will definitely have positive role models. For all the headaches that have happened because of camp - fundraising, drivers, etc - I am glad that my child has got this experience! I hope he wants to go back for another year! or MORE!! And who knows, perhaps I'll have forgotten all the pains leading up to the experience, and choose to do it again as well! :) Being "Camp Mom" is kind of fun! and it's great having all the kids from church here to check in on!
There is actually something soothing and fun about being at an all christian - all Methodist youth church camp. Not too long ago I had someone in my church say that we should encourage the children of our church to go to church camps that are closer to home - camps that are NOT Methodist - but are Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist, etc. As Methodists, we are open to all faiths - and all dogmas - so this idea to have my child go to a different denomination camp should not bother me. But I somehow would rather not encourage that of my own children - at least at this time. If they had a friend who asked them to camp, that would be something different. But, there is just something about going to a Methodist Church camp when you are Methodists.
Let me pull back a moment, and explain something that happened a few months ago. We were visiting a friend of mine who happens to be Mormon - and her son asked my sons - "So what religion are you?" - of course my kids were like - "uh, we believe in God" - and he came back with "no, what are you? like are you Mormon like us, or some other religion?" This made me think that my kids don't even know that they are being raised Methodist.
So, back to camp - having my child at church camp - and not just church camp, but a Methodist Church Camp - helps them to find an identity to their faith. It helps them to see that there are others who believe similar to them. Not that there isn't similarity between all churches, dogmas, and even religions, but there is just something about having that similarity and identity. It's not segregation of religions... it's not saying that they should only get together with others who believe as they do... it's just a commonality between everyone who is there - and to a child, this commonality supports identity and creates long lasting bonds!
Today, I have seen my son play, interact, talk, etc with a very diverse group of youth! If he comes back next year, he will see many of the same youth! He will gain friendships for life! Perhaps he will grow in faith. He will definitely have positive role models. For all the headaches that have happened because of camp - fundraising, drivers, etc - I am glad that my child has got this experience! I hope he wants to go back for another year! or MORE!! And who knows, perhaps I'll have forgotten all the pains leading up to the experience, and choose to do it again as well! :) Being "Camp Mom" is kind of fun! and it's great having all the kids from church here to check in on!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Rainbows
The supreme court voted that DOMA and Prop 8 are unconstitutional! FINALLY!! It was a close one - like in our own Methodist guidelines - the fight for full inclusion is still a close one. I know the scriptures that many try to throw at you to show that God was against anything besides heterosexual unions - and I'm sorry, if you look at the context of those scriptures, in my eyes and interpretations, they do not add up. When it comes to true love - gay or straight - Love is Love and God is for ALL love! When it comes to all people - whether you are of a different race, ethnic background, sexual orientation or anything else - Jesus loves you!
OK - side note here - do you know how hard it is for me to admit myself that Jesus loves me?! And for me to say it to you, that is even harder. I don't go for that whole "sin" thing.... I hate the word "sin" - I hate the context it is used in. I hate that it is so used that we all feel unworthy. I hate that I am quiet about my beliefs - that while I feel this close and personal relationship with God and Jesus, I still don't feel fully comfortable talking about it, talking about sin, accepting that the real definition of sin is not doing something BAD but simply missing the mark. That God is not disappointed in me.
So, that being said - God loves you. Jesus loves you. You are not a disappointment! If you love differently, it's OK. Guess what... if you disagree with me - it's still OK. God loves you! If I can change your mind - I will try. But I do not condemn you for having a different view from me. Please don't use your view to hate. And thank God for open-mindedness.
Reflections Day #3 - Annual Church Conference Session 2013
I should have mentioned that Day 2's reflection really had a little bit of Day 3 in there. See, you break up into legislative sections on Day 2, and discuss everything in your section and vote on your section's items - but all the other stuff about voting on the consent calendar and the other items you don't even do or hear about until Day 3. For me, Day 3 was my last day - I didn't get to go to Saturday's events.
Also, in all my excitement over the legislative items, I neglected to reflect on the best part of Day 2 - the fixing of appointments!
Did you know that your pastor is only appointed for one year? They have to be re-appointed every year that they are here! Of course this isn't the olden days - and pastors now know ahead of time if they are being moved to another church - but the official fixing of appointments is still awesome.
Each districts is called at different times, and the Great-Northern District is 2nd for the Thursday morning. I have to say, I feel a bit of a traitor on this day - I walk in with Bethany and Jason - who will be interns at Arcata next year - and we sit next to the Arcata UMC group - Steve and Hillarie come in later and there is no room - they sit behind. I must say, I'm very excited for Jason and Bethany - maybe a little over enthusiastic about the whole situation, but I really like them. Anyways, This is Jason and Bethany's first conference - everything is new and they don't know what to expect. Names of churches are called along with those who are appointed - As the names of the appointed are called, they stand. Yes, when Arcata UMC is called, Cindy is appointed, and then Jason and Bethany appointed next. (I realize now I write all this assuming that 99% of those reading this know exactly who I am talking about). After everyone in the district is called, the rest of the group lays hands upon these appointed - I was there to do this for Jason and Bethany and I felt so moved by the whole situation. This is a new step for them and a new step for Arcata UMC - and though I was there to represent the Church of the Joyful Healer - I felt a part of Arcata UMC at that moment in time. It was AWESOME.
So, on with Day 3 - there are other Fixing of appointments that happen - and many awards. Two members of Eureka 1st UMC, Ken and Paula Blackshear, got the Bishop's Award this year! The Bishop's Award is always inspiring - there are so many people in the United Methodist Church doing amazing things - for other people!
Day 3 is such a hodge podge of stuff, and there is ample time to go look at things upstairs. Upstairs is Cokesbury Book Store and the Mission Handcrafts... there are booths about many of the different groups within the conference or other groups that are supported in and through the United Methodist Church. If you go when everyone else is listening to a boring speech (yes, there are a few of these) - you can peruse the area with very little congestion. I got a few fun things for the boys through Mission Handcrafts - got myself a couple of fun books that I hope to use in JoyWorks (the parables of Dr. Seuss! you know you want to borrow it!).
Kids at Conference - I have to explain this before I go on to the next cool thing that happened on Day 3. There is a glorified childcare at conference called "Kids at Conference" - my kids loved it. As a parent and former childcare worker, of course I'm a little critical of programs like this and I know that there are things they could have done better (one thing was to not have so much down time that kids bring their DS with them and do that for hours! - OK, I could have said no, but when there isn't anything else for them to do, and the other 5 boys have their DS, I suppose at least they are playing together, in a way, sort of....) But, in general, I was pleased with the program. The boys went swimming a lot, went to the Indian Museum in Sacramento, A movie ... they had fun, so that is truly all that matters. At the end, they have all the kids who were a part of "Kids at Conference" come up on stage during the special offering time - they present the offering to the Bishop. The offering this year was Bridge of Love to Angola - to re-build a medical clinic in a place called Bom Jesus in Angola. It was touching - it was moving (I want to go do a mission in Africa now! Actually, I've wanted to for a while - too bad I don't have the money to do so, and well, I suppose I'm a little scared - ok, I've gotten you distracted). They sang a song from Angola (did you know the common vernacular in Angola is Portuguese? It was very cool.
After the presentation - we pick up our kids to go to the District Dinners. Funny thing happened at this time - we are on our way down the escalators and I see Rod! I tell the kids "Say hi to Pastor Rod!" - Quinn then says "That's Pastor Rod??!!" - at the District Dinner Rod comes to say hi - and Quinn tells him he's gotten old... ah... children, they don't hold anything back.
District dinner is a time where just the people of our district get together. It's kind of fun - Cindy had a game going on during the dinner. I was so involved in getting the kids' food that I didn't participate in it - it's OK, I helped her make up the game. The food was, well.... OK. Not enough. They should ALWAYS plan for more, just in case! Anyways, the boys saw a friend from earlier - they started playing some DS together after we ate (OK, the DS isn't all that bad.... kids really do interact with it - just a lot of screen time). I love district dinner - but we had to leave early. Kids were melting down. It had been a long week.
Back to Steve's house for a tiny bit of swimming - then bed. The adults stayed up late for one more night of fabulous conversation. Getting to know Jason and Bethany was great, and I feel even closer to Hillarie and Steve and Karla! Next year conference is in Burlingame in San Mateo County . It won't be the same, but it'll still be great. There are some boring and negative sides to conference, but on a scale from 1-10, I give conference an 8, and I really do enjoy it!
Also, in all my excitement over the legislative items, I neglected to reflect on the best part of Day 2 - the fixing of appointments!
Did you know that your pastor is only appointed for one year? They have to be re-appointed every year that they are here! Of course this isn't the olden days - and pastors now know ahead of time if they are being moved to another church - but the official fixing of appointments is still awesome.
Each districts is called at different times, and the Great-Northern District is 2nd for the Thursday morning. I have to say, I feel a bit of a traitor on this day - I walk in with Bethany and Jason - who will be interns at Arcata next year - and we sit next to the Arcata UMC group - Steve and Hillarie come in later and there is no room - they sit behind. I must say, I'm very excited for Jason and Bethany - maybe a little over enthusiastic about the whole situation, but I really like them. Anyways, This is Jason and Bethany's first conference - everything is new and they don't know what to expect. Names of churches are called along with those who are appointed - As the names of the appointed are called, they stand. Yes, when Arcata UMC is called, Cindy is appointed, and then Jason and Bethany appointed next. (I realize now I write all this assuming that 99% of those reading this know exactly who I am talking about). After everyone in the district is called, the rest of the group lays hands upon these appointed - I was there to do this for Jason and Bethany and I felt so moved by the whole situation. This is a new step for them and a new step for Arcata UMC - and though I was there to represent the Church of the Joyful Healer - I felt a part of Arcata UMC at that moment in time. It was AWESOME.
So, on with Day 3 - there are other Fixing of appointments that happen - and many awards. Two members of Eureka 1st UMC, Ken and Paula Blackshear, got the Bishop's Award this year! The Bishop's Award is always inspiring - there are so many people in the United Methodist Church doing amazing things - for other people!
Day 3 is such a hodge podge of stuff, and there is ample time to go look at things upstairs. Upstairs is Cokesbury Book Store and the Mission Handcrafts... there are booths about many of the different groups within the conference or other groups that are supported in and through the United Methodist Church. If you go when everyone else is listening to a boring speech (yes, there are a few of these) - you can peruse the area with very little congestion. I got a few fun things for the boys through Mission Handcrafts - got myself a couple of fun books that I hope to use in JoyWorks (the parables of Dr. Seuss! you know you want to borrow it!).
Kids at Conference - I have to explain this before I go on to the next cool thing that happened on Day 3. There is a glorified childcare at conference called "Kids at Conference" - my kids loved it. As a parent and former childcare worker, of course I'm a little critical of programs like this and I know that there are things they could have done better (one thing was to not have so much down time that kids bring their DS with them and do that for hours! - OK, I could have said no, but when there isn't anything else for them to do, and the other 5 boys have their DS, I suppose at least they are playing together, in a way, sort of....) But, in general, I was pleased with the program. The boys went swimming a lot, went to the Indian Museum in Sacramento, A movie ... they had fun, so that is truly all that matters. At the end, they have all the kids who were a part of "Kids at Conference" come up on stage during the special offering time - they present the offering to the Bishop. The offering this year was Bridge of Love to Angola - to re-build a medical clinic in a place called Bom Jesus in Angola. It was touching - it was moving (I want to go do a mission in Africa now! Actually, I've wanted to for a while - too bad I don't have the money to do so, and well, I suppose I'm a little scared - ok, I've gotten you distracted). They sang a song from Angola (did you know the common vernacular in Angola is Portuguese? It was very cool.
After the presentation - we pick up our kids to go to the District Dinners. Funny thing happened at this time - we are on our way down the escalators and I see Rod! I tell the kids "Say hi to Pastor Rod!" - Quinn then says "That's Pastor Rod??!!" - at the District Dinner Rod comes to say hi - and Quinn tells him he's gotten old... ah... children, they don't hold anything back.
District dinner is a time where just the people of our district get together. It's kind of fun - Cindy had a game going on during the dinner. I was so involved in getting the kids' food that I didn't participate in it - it's OK, I helped her make up the game. The food was, well.... OK. Not enough. They should ALWAYS plan for more, just in case! Anyways, the boys saw a friend from earlier - they started playing some DS together after we ate (OK, the DS isn't all that bad.... kids really do interact with it - just a lot of screen time). I love district dinner - but we had to leave early. Kids were melting down. It had been a long week.
Back to Steve's house for a tiny bit of swimming - then bed. The adults stayed up late for one more night of fabulous conversation. Getting to know Jason and Bethany was great, and I feel even closer to Hillarie and Steve and Karla! Next year conference is in Burlingame in San Mateo County . It won't be the same, but it'll still be great. There are some boring and negative sides to conference, but on a scale from 1-10, I give conference an 8, and I really do enjoy it!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Annual Conference Session - Day #2 Reflections
Ah... day 2 - legislative time. This is the time in conference where we all get to hear and vote on resolutions - typically these are tied to some sort of social policy - but not always. The resolutions are broken up into groups of 4-5, and then the lay members and clergy who have voice and vote are split up somewhat randomly into these groups. As smaller bodies, we discuss and vote on these resolutions - sometimes adding amendments, etc. If, when we vote, it passes with 85%, then it automatically goes on the consent calendar - meaning that the resolution does NOT get discussed on the conference floor later. These resolutions can be taken off the consent calendar later - but you must get 10 signatures of people who feel they would also like to discuss it to do so. Those resolutions that do not pass with 85% do NOT go on the consent calendar and are then discussed on the floor later. It's all very political, and mostly interesting. Though I get frustrated when people don't seem to listen to all that is going on - repeating themselves often, or not understanding the words that are spoken when someone suggests something - I enjoy this part of conference.
First I'll talk about the resolutions that were in my section - most passed to the consent calendar.
Item 7 - basically had to do with full inclusion. The original Item 7 was actually out of order with the book of discipline, and they had to re-write this in order to be "in order" and able to be discussed. This item asks for the CA-NV Conference to provide financial reports on funds that have been used for disciplinary actions towards clergy who provide services to LGBTQ people as they would to non LGBTQ people. (for those of you who don't know, LGBTQ refers to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) A few amendments later, and this still does not pass by 85% and goes to the floor to be discussed (incidentally, this does end up passing on the floor)
Item 8 - This item asks churches to use union workers whenever they contract work. It was amended to say encouraged (instead of a feeling of requirement) and also added a little item to say that this would not be to the exclusion of local businesses... a lot of discussion happened trying to define the word local. It did not pass with 85% - went to the floor and did pass - so basically, whenever possible, we are encouraged to use union businesses verses non-union businesses, but local businesses are A-OK too!
Item 10 - this one felt kind of unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it kind of was. This item encourages people to visit other places of worship at least 2 times a year. Whenever we go out of town, I'm sure many of you visit other places of worship, but have you thought about doing it while you are in town? What about visiting other religious places? Have you been going to your church so long you have forgotten what it was like to be a newbie? This item encourages us ALL to do this! I think about what we are doing with Arcata UMC and Catalyst - perhaps you would like to go to church there on any given Sunday. Bring back to your church leaders what you felt, what you learned, etc. This item passed with flying colors!
Item 11 - This item was simply to dedicate a Sunday in November to be a Filipino Ministry Sunday - where there will be celebration materials available to honor and celebrate this growing community in North America. This one passed as well with flying colors!
Item 24 - Currently there is a young adult delegate that is separate from our lay members sent to annual conference. These young adults are given voice and vote. A definition of Young Adult in the CA-NV conference is anyone between the ages of 18-35 (this is when I realized I'm still considered a young adult even though I feel so old). Currently there is only 2 allowed from each district - but this item was to increase that to 3 - which would cause no financial burden. We actually thought it should be higher, so we increased it to 4, and it passed unanimously in section!
Item 25 - was simply a reinstating of a few rules so that certain committees could keep working. These rules were suspended 2 years ago at conference, but they found that without them, certain committees had to be suspended as well. The rules are out dated and need to be revised, but by reinstating the rules, they could continue to work. Of course this passed as well.
Now, a few other items that you may be interested in - because I left early, I am sorry to say I don't know fully all that passed or did not pass, but you may be interested in these still.
Item 2 - This item has to do with our apportionment's - which is the money that we give to the conference from our church to be distributed as needed. Basically, you give an offering to the Joyful Healer - and the Joyful Healer distributes it as needed - and the Joyful Healer basically gives an offering to the conference in the form of "apportionment's". There is a big huge formula on how these are calculated, and it's often confusing. This item was to throw that formula out the window, and replace it with a simple tithe - 10% of income (not pass through funds, but income) to be given as apportionment's to the conference. It was hotly debated both in section and on the floor - but eventually passed.
Item 13 - this was the gun control resolution. The great thing about Methodists is that we have tons of different ideas on so many issues. In section - this did not pass, so it was brought to the floor - but during floor discussion, it was thought this would be a heated topic. Instead, it wasn't, and passed. This item encourages churches, clergy and lay members to ask for gun reform - specifically in banning of assault weapons, large capacity ammunition magazines and quick load detachable magazines, as well as other aspects of state and federal gun control legislation.
So... there you have it. The major business end of conference - and it almost always is on day 2! We went back to Steve and Karla's house with our gaggle of kids and adults - swam in the pool, put our feet up, had a little communion, and chatted. It was a long and eventful day. We were ready to go back again on Friday!
First I'll talk about the resolutions that were in my section - most passed to the consent calendar.
Item 7 - basically had to do with full inclusion. The original Item 7 was actually out of order with the book of discipline, and they had to re-write this in order to be "in order" and able to be discussed. This item asks for the CA-NV Conference to provide financial reports on funds that have been used for disciplinary actions towards clergy who provide services to LGBTQ people as they would to non LGBTQ people. (for those of you who don't know, LGBTQ refers to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) A few amendments later, and this still does not pass by 85% and goes to the floor to be discussed (incidentally, this does end up passing on the floor)
Item 8 - This item asks churches to use union workers whenever they contract work. It was amended to say encouraged (instead of a feeling of requirement) and also added a little item to say that this would not be to the exclusion of local businesses... a lot of discussion happened trying to define the word local. It did not pass with 85% - went to the floor and did pass - so basically, whenever possible, we are encouraged to use union businesses verses non-union businesses, but local businesses are A-OK too!
Item 10 - this one felt kind of unnecessary, but now that I think about it, it kind of was. This item encourages people to visit other places of worship at least 2 times a year. Whenever we go out of town, I'm sure many of you visit other places of worship, but have you thought about doing it while you are in town? What about visiting other religious places? Have you been going to your church so long you have forgotten what it was like to be a newbie? This item encourages us ALL to do this! I think about what we are doing with Arcata UMC and Catalyst - perhaps you would like to go to church there on any given Sunday. Bring back to your church leaders what you felt, what you learned, etc. This item passed with flying colors!
Item 11 - This item was simply to dedicate a Sunday in November to be a Filipino Ministry Sunday - where there will be celebration materials available to honor and celebrate this growing community in North America. This one passed as well with flying colors!
Item 24 - Currently there is a young adult delegate that is separate from our lay members sent to annual conference. These young adults are given voice and vote. A definition of Young Adult in the CA-NV conference is anyone between the ages of 18-35 (this is when I realized I'm still considered a young adult even though I feel so old). Currently there is only 2 allowed from each district - but this item was to increase that to 3 - which would cause no financial burden. We actually thought it should be higher, so we increased it to 4, and it passed unanimously in section!
Item 25 - was simply a reinstating of a few rules so that certain committees could keep working. These rules were suspended 2 years ago at conference, but they found that without them, certain committees had to be suspended as well. The rules are out dated and need to be revised, but by reinstating the rules, they could continue to work. Of course this passed as well.
Now, a few other items that you may be interested in - because I left early, I am sorry to say I don't know fully all that passed or did not pass, but you may be interested in these still.
Item 2 - This item has to do with our apportionment's - which is the money that we give to the conference from our church to be distributed as needed. Basically, you give an offering to the Joyful Healer - and the Joyful Healer distributes it as needed - and the Joyful Healer basically gives an offering to the conference in the form of "apportionment's". There is a big huge formula on how these are calculated, and it's often confusing. This item was to throw that formula out the window, and replace it with a simple tithe - 10% of income (not pass through funds, but income) to be given as apportionment's to the conference. It was hotly debated both in section and on the floor - but eventually passed.
Item 13 - this was the gun control resolution. The great thing about Methodists is that we have tons of different ideas on so many issues. In section - this did not pass, so it was brought to the floor - but during floor discussion, it was thought this would be a heated topic. Instead, it wasn't, and passed. This item encourages churches, clergy and lay members to ask for gun reform - specifically in banning of assault weapons, large capacity ammunition magazines and quick load detachable magazines, as well as other aspects of state and federal gun control legislation.
So... there you have it. The major business end of conference - and it almost always is on day 2! We went back to Steve and Karla's house with our gaggle of kids and adults - swam in the pool, put our feet up, had a little communion, and chatted. It was a long and eventful day. We were ready to go back again on Friday!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Annual Conference Session of the CA-NV Conference of the United Methodist Church- Day 1
After a long drive from Humboldt County to Sacramento - taking about 6 1/2 hours instead of 5 hours 25 min, as stated on Google maps, due to driving 4 children and road construction - we all got to conference in perfect timing to drop off the kids at the child care. Rushing into the conference floor, I get to my seat in time to hear the Laity session. For those of you who don't know, the Laity is the body of the church - truly, the Laity IS the church. If the Pastor is the shepherd, we are the sheep.
So, I suppose I should take time right now to state what our "theme" of conference is this year.
So, I suppose I should take time right now to state what our "theme" of conference is this year.
See what you have
See your neighbors too
So, it seems that really, the underlying theme is relationships. Relationships drives us all.
During our Laity session, we had the main guest speaker, Dr. Eric Law, talk to us about the 6 holy currencies - he spoke earlier in the morning, however I was not around yet. So here are some notes and insights that I gleaned from Dr. Law during his workshop session.
In the United Methodist Church, we have appointed "Lay Leaders" - do you know who your lay leaders are? At the Church of the Joyful Healer they are Mary Meyer, Hillarie Beyer and Chris Lehman. but there are more leaders in the church then the Lay Leaders. Everyone has the power to lead. As a Lay Member to Annual Conference, I too am a leader - but I'm also a leader through the activities I do at church. What is a sustainable leader? One who participates, shows something new (new ideas), uses music, helps others, and the list can go on and on.
So now, lets get into the nitty gritty about relationships. We have all heard about "Six degrees of separation" right? Well, there is also a concept called 3 degrees of influence. That means that if you do something, your friend is more likely to do that thing... as well as their friend, and their friends friend. So, think about it in the context of a congregation. If we had 100 people in our congregation (by the way, our number is more like 200 - so just double these numbers!) and each person has 10 friends - that is 1000 people who are influenced! What if each of those people had 10 friends?? That's 10,000 people! And then 10 friends for each of them - 100,000 people! Oh my goodness! We have incredible influence in what we do with those around us. Think of it for just one person - my example will be myself. If I have 10 friends who have 10 friends who have 10 friends, I'm influencing 1000 people with one action! That is pretty powerful!
Lets talk now about a couple of ideas about congregational relationships. What if you have a congregation that is pretty tight loving - they take care of each other, they love each other - gee, that would be pretty awesome - for that congregational community. But what about a newcomer? How do they really get in? And then the opposite - a community that is so focused on community outreach - a new come comes in and they are welcomed... woo hoo. But what about if that person is truly in need - where are they going to rest? How are they gong to be nurtured? So of course, the best outcome is a little of both. A tight loving community that is also focused on Outreach - seems like we are talking about what I see at the Joyful Healer. :)
Talking more about relationships - we all know that it is so easy to relate well to those who are like us! It's a fact - if there is someone out there who likes music, works with children (or has children - especially boys close to my own sons age), who is close to my own age and who has similar thoughts as me (religiously, politically, etc) it is going to be a lot easier for me to relate to them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, it is harder for me to relate to someone who is older, maybe no children or someone who has different views on life than I do.
So I want to talk now about cultural make up, because this has so much to do with relationships. We are all made up of many different cultural components. Culture is not just your race, your ethnicity. In a Social Work class at HSU that I took about 9 years ago, I learned that we not only have the culture we most identify with, but we also have a family culture as well. Here are some ideas of components of culture - but realize the list could go on!
age, gender, physical ability, mental ability, skin color, racial background, ethnic heritage, sexual orientation, marital status, geographical location, migration history, military experience, education, religion, profession, economic status, adoption, nationality, medical condition, theology, language
As we relate to those who are not much like us, we go through a process of adjustment. I wish I could draw the graphic we saw, but I'll do the best I can with what I got.
Expectations (we expect others to be like us, but they aren't) -------> this causes a reaction (anger, fear, confusion) - We can choose to react two ways - the first is to react negatively and withdraw (argue, attack, judge). The second way is to become aware of our reactions (we react, there is nothing you can really do about a reaction, but you can be aware of the reaction ---> and as we are aware, our reaction subsides, we get more information and understand the culture of someone else.
This is where day one ends... This day made me uncomfortable - and yet I loved it. I know that there are many reactions I could take better care to be aware of in myself.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Personality
I took a personality test the other day... just because. I've done this before, and none of this surprises me whatsoever - in fact, the highlighted stuff is me to at "T". In case you are interested the I stands for Introvert, S for sensing, F for feeling, and J for judging. The opposite of these would be E for Extrovert, N for iNtuition, T for thinking, and P for perception. So, anyways, if you are interested in learning more, you should look into the Myers-Briggs personality types. It is very interesting. Not that this helps with any of my own problems, but I suppose it sort of helps me realize that I'm unique, and yet not alone in this world - that there are others with similar personalities. :)
ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)
ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.
In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.
While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.
Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.
ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)
ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.
In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.
While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.
Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.
Am I in this alone?
I am tired ... my brain won't stop thinking.
I want to cry.
There is so much work to do ... who will do it if I don't step up. It falls on my shoulders 1/2 the time anyways. Is that because I can't take it any more and have to step up myself.
It is SO hard for me to not take over. I'm working on it. I've burnt myself out so many times because I have taken over on too many projects. But when I see something being done 1/2 as well as it should (and not just by my standards, but others) it bothers me. When I see no real leadership during a project ... no one knows what's going on, and everyone assumes someone else is doing it... it bothers me. Little by little, I take over - sometimes knowing what I am doing, sometimes simply because I ask a question, and it gets delegated to me.
Why do I feel that everything needs to involve me? That if it's not done well, or done to my standards, it will fail? I never thought I had high standards... I never measured up usually to other people's standards - perhaps that is why mine are so high in comparison to others I see - and perhaps that is why I judge them so harshly.
How can I stop this? It makes me feel ill! I feel alienated, and that I have no real friends. Do I push them away?
Today, I feel alone. I should be looking for God's presence... I'm sure it's there. Why is it not enough for me? Why do I crave connection to others so much? God, I pray for those who are really alone - no family nearby, no one else living in their home.
So... I AM tired... my brain really won't stop thinking... and I want to cry...
I want to cry.
There is so much work to do ... who will do it if I don't step up. It falls on my shoulders 1/2 the time anyways. Is that because I can't take it any more and have to step up myself.
It is SO hard for me to not take over. I'm working on it. I've burnt myself out so many times because I have taken over on too many projects. But when I see something being done 1/2 as well as it should (and not just by my standards, but others) it bothers me. When I see no real leadership during a project ... no one knows what's going on, and everyone assumes someone else is doing it... it bothers me. Little by little, I take over - sometimes knowing what I am doing, sometimes simply because I ask a question, and it gets delegated to me.
Why do I feel that everything needs to involve me? That if it's not done well, or done to my standards, it will fail? I never thought I had high standards... I never measured up usually to other people's standards - perhaps that is why mine are so high in comparison to others I see - and perhaps that is why I judge them so harshly.
How can I stop this? It makes me feel ill! I feel alienated, and that I have no real friends. Do I push them away?
Today, I feel alone. I should be looking for God's presence... I'm sure it's there. Why is it not enough for me? Why do I crave connection to others so much? God, I pray for those who are really alone - no family nearby, no one else living in their home.
So... I AM tired... my brain really won't stop thinking... and I want to cry...
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Of Service and In Service....
"To serve is beautiful, but only if it is done with joy and a whole heart and a free mind"
Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973) American novelist
I have been thinking a lot about service. When one decides to become a member of the Methodist church, they pledge to be faithful to God through Prayers, Presences, Gifts and Service (and Witness is in there somewhere too).
I often have to look for volunteers for things - it's hard, and exhausting. I feel often that I am asking the same people, because I somehow know I'll get them to help one way or the other. If I put out an open-ended invitation to volunteer in service, I usually get no one. I take on a lot of service myself, sometimes because I truly want to - but most times because I feel like "If not me, then who?"
And then I saw the above quote, and it got me thinking about why people do, or don't, volunteer. Service should NOT be a chore. When it starts feeling like a chore, you have probably reached burn out. Sometimes, those of us who volunteer can become resentful of those who do not - I am so very guilty of this. Sometimes I have a running dialog in my head - "Why doesn't Jane Doe ever volunteer?" or "Why does Jon Doe say that he wants to volunteer, but when volunteers are asked for, he never steps up?" I find that I have to remind myself about why we feel motivated to volunteer - remember that payoff I spoke of in a different post. Service should be done with Joy - if you don't have the payoff of Joy, then why are you serving? Service should be done with the whole heart - if you are only serving because you feel you should - that your heart is not fully into your service - why are you serving? Service should be done with a free mind - free will, we do service because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to, not because it is a chore for us.
I was not raised with these ideas. I remember often hearing that exasperated tone in my parents' voice when there was a "Trustee Work Day" at church -- "Why do we HAVE to go mom? I don't want to clean up the church." -- "Because that is what you do when you are part of the church. you don't have to like it, but you HAVE to serve. If you didn't serve, then nothing would get done, the church would fall apart. It is up to everyone to do their part - it is what you need to do as a member of the church." I'm sure that most parents force their children to do service now and again, because otherwise, how will children even learn to experience service. But I could always tell that my parents felt this way themselves -- they didn't necessarily want to do the service either - but they felt guilty if they didn't help out in some way, and they felt it was their job, their duty, as members of the church. There was never any joy in serving. Our heart wasn't really in it, and with a free mind? yeah, right!
I think that my upbringing in service has tainted the way I see service. I find myself criticizing those who do not serve. I find myself wanting to make them feel guilty so that they WILL serve. But... wouldn't it be better to find a way into their heart so that they will serve with joy, instead of requiring service and having malice in their heart the entire time they are serving?
I wish I knew what that magic element was to encourage service in others. I could REALLY use some Sunday School teachers - but... I come up against a couple of brick walls - Some are totally afraid to help - feeling like they don't know how to work with children. Others are parents who just want a break (I totally understand - I'm a parent too). I don't want to guilt people into doing something like this -- "If we don't have anyone who volunteers, we won't have ANY Sunday School." -- the children will ultimately be the ones who suffer from this if their teachers are not fully into their service with joy and free will.
So, I'm still struggling. I understand that some people are just not there - spiritually. They don't feel led to be in service, or of service, in a particular area, such as Sunday School. Some people are felt to lead in other areas of the church - they are already helping joyfully. Some people have served so much in their life that they are tired - they are burnt out. They no longer feel joy when they serve. We are all in a different spot. I think I'm in the middle of serving Joyfully and burnout. I LOVE teaching Sunday School. But some days it feels like a chore. I enjoy being a tech person and helping out with the PowerPoint presentations during worship - but I definitely could use a break there. I REALLY want to help out with service out in the community - like our monthly Joyful Hammer work day at Patrick's Point State Park -- but I don't have the time.
I just want to leave you with something that happened to our own family just a few weeks ago. I have probably gone a little far the other way, and I don't require service of my children. Sometimes they end up doing it automatically just because I am - and if they are around, I'll ask for help. They usually do it. Well, on April 13th, my son asked me if he could work with his Boy Scout troop at the Patrick's Point clean up day. I'm sure that a little peer pressure helped there, as all the other boys were going to do it. But, I asked him - "Are you sure you want to?" -- "Of course Mom" came the response! So, I hope that I can continue to find myself joyfully in service to others and of service to my church - and that my own children will learn this as well.
"The meaning of life is to find your gift - the purpose of life is to give it away!" - Unknown
May you find your gifts in service!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Question #5
I'm skipping around I suppose. This question called to me - yes, I needed to reflect on it.
Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
Yes, I am. I don't think I'm such a slave to dress - I don't have to have designer clothes, and I often buy my clothes from the thrift shop. I have my own style and my own tastes. They are perhaps influenced by those around me, but when it comes to dress, I am not a slave to those influences.
I am, however a slave to my friends and work - for sure. I am a people pleaser. I often do things so that people will like me. I do more at work for recognition. I am a slave to my work because I want to do a good job. I am a slave to the people at work because I have a hard time with my boundaries and I can't seem to always say no. I work on this constantly. I often feel like if I were to really try to NOT be a slave to work or friends that I would become a bitch - or I guess really that I would be seen as a bitch.
So, you know that golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or something like that). Maybe I take that too literally. I am a slave to my friends, doing countless favors to them, because I suppose I hope that one day they can return me the favors. If I was in need, I would hope that my friends would be there for me. I am a slave to work, doing things often above and beyond - not sure why I do this, but it's in my nature I suppose. I don't know how to not do it. Some weeks, I don't give work 110%, and I feel like crap because of this - like I've let them down in some way. And in some cases, I now feel that people have come to expect things of me, so when I really want to tell them no, I can't, I feel I have no place to do so.
Let me reflect a bit more on work. I work at a church - my church. I have been told by a variety of people at my job that they don't want me to NOT come to worship on Sundays because I need a "break" from work. That people are asking me too many work questions on Sunday. My response is often - I don't mind. I suppose this is not entirely true - and my boundaries are not well defined on a Sunday morning. Here is as defined as I can get. If it revolves around the Sunday Service - if something that I have done during the week has made it such that something is not going smooth. If I forgot to print out enough bulletins, or if I forgot to put out a sign up sheet for something - basically if I should have done something during the week, and I have forgotten it on Sunday - I need to do it, and I don't mind being asked. If someone is trying to use the office equipment on Sunday - the copier, computer, etc - and they don't know how - please, by all means, ask me. This will save me, and you, heartache in the end. If someone is asking me to do something next week - leave a note on my desk. If you are wanting to sign up for something - leave a note on my desk (or sign up for it on the welcome table if that is where it is). If you want something announced in the bulletin - send me an email, please! If I got something wrong with some sort of announcement (i.e. date, time, etc) just announce it and send me and email or leave me a note gently reminding me of it. Most likely it was a typo. If I am on vacation, and it's not an emergency - don't call me on Sunday. What's an emergency? The PowerPoint NOT turning on properly is NOT an emergency. All the computers blowing up and I may have chaos in the office when I get back on Monday - that may be considered a minor emergency. Yeah, OK... no clear, black and white, boundaries for me. It's a grey area, I think. I mean, I feel it comes as part of the job. If you don't see me all week, and then on Sunday, you see me and ,oh, you remembered something you wanted to talk to me about, work related, I totally understand why you are coming up to me to talk to me about it - but really, leave me a note. I won't remember what it is you want me to do otherwise.
I suppose, in order for me to NOT be a slave to my work, I need to work a little harder on my boundaries. I have this book - boundaries... It's a christian book, maybe you've heard of it. I have the workbook too. yeah, I started it, and then I put it down about a year ago. Perhaps I should pick it back up again.
So, now, am I a slave to my habits. Actually, I almost wish I was a slave to my habits. I wish that my habits of working out, eating right, praying, reading, etc were ingrained enough that I absolutely had to do them or life would stop. When I do these healthy habits, I am such a better person. I'm not a slave to my bad habits either... Thank goodness I am not addicted to any substance that I have to be a slave to. I think that being a slave to your habits - your good, healthy habits, is not necessarily a bad thing.
Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
Yes, I am. I don't think I'm such a slave to dress - I don't have to have designer clothes, and I often buy my clothes from the thrift shop. I have my own style and my own tastes. They are perhaps influenced by those around me, but when it comes to dress, I am not a slave to those influences.
I am, however a slave to my friends and work - for sure. I am a people pleaser. I often do things so that people will like me. I do more at work for recognition. I am a slave to my work because I want to do a good job. I am a slave to the people at work because I have a hard time with my boundaries and I can't seem to always say no. I work on this constantly. I often feel like if I were to really try to NOT be a slave to work or friends that I would become a bitch - or I guess really that I would be seen as a bitch.
So, you know that golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or something like that). Maybe I take that too literally. I am a slave to my friends, doing countless favors to them, because I suppose I hope that one day they can return me the favors. If I was in need, I would hope that my friends would be there for me. I am a slave to work, doing things often above and beyond - not sure why I do this, but it's in my nature I suppose. I don't know how to not do it. Some weeks, I don't give work 110%, and I feel like crap because of this - like I've let them down in some way. And in some cases, I now feel that people have come to expect things of me, so when I really want to tell them no, I can't, I feel I have no place to do so.
Let me reflect a bit more on work. I work at a church - my church. I have been told by a variety of people at my job that they don't want me to NOT come to worship on Sundays because I need a "break" from work. That people are asking me too many work questions on Sunday. My response is often - I don't mind. I suppose this is not entirely true - and my boundaries are not well defined on a Sunday morning. Here is as defined as I can get. If it revolves around the Sunday Service - if something that I have done during the week has made it such that something is not going smooth. If I forgot to print out enough bulletins, or if I forgot to put out a sign up sheet for something - basically if I should have done something during the week, and I have forgotten it on Sunday - I need to do it, and I don't mind being asked. If someone is trying to use the office equipment on Sunday - the copier, computer, etc - and they don't know how - please, by all means, ask me. This will save me, and you, heartache in the end. If someone is asking me to do something next week - leave a note on my desk. If you are wanting to sign up for something - leave a note on my desk (or sign up for it on the welcome table if that is where it is). If you want something announced in the bulletin - send me an email, please! If I got something wrong with some sort of announcement (i.e. date, time, etc) just announce it and send me and email or leave me a note gently reminding me of it. Most likely it was a typo. If I am on vacation, and it's not an emergency - don't call me on Sunday. What's an emergency? The PowerPoint NOT turning on properly is NOT an emergency. All the computers blowing up and I may have chaos in the office when I get back on Monday - that may be considered a minor emergency. Yeah, OK... no clear, black and white, boundaries for me. It's a grey area, I think. I mean, I feel it comes as part of the job. If you don't see me all week, and then on Sunday, you see me and ,oh, you remembered something you wanted to talk to me about, work related, I totally understand why you are coming up to me to talk to me about it - but really, leave me a note. I won't remember what it is you want me to do otherwise.
I suppose, in order for me to NOT be a slave to my work, I need to work a little harder on my boundaries. I have this book - boundaries... It's a christian book, maybe you've heard of it. I have the workbook too. yeah, I started it, and then I put it down about a year ago. Perhaps I should pick it back up again.
So, now, am I a slave to my habits. Actually, I almost wish I was a slave to my habits. I wish that my habits of working out, eating right, praying, reading, etc were ingrained enough that I absolutely had to do them or life would stop. When I do these healthy habits, I am such a better person. I'm not a slave to my bad habits either... Thank goodness I am not addicted to any substance that I have to be a slave to. I think that being a slave to your habits - your good, healthy habits, is not necessarily a bad thing.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Question #2
Here is Question #2 of Wesleyan Spiritual Practice - Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
As a society, I think we exaggerate a lot. If you want a certain type of reaction, you have to exaggerate, or else no one notices.
I'm sure sometimes I exaggerate. When my kids are doing something annoying - I probably exaggerate the extent of their annoyance - I want the mom sympathy vote.
My husband sometimes accuses me of exaggerating time - I have what he calls "chronic time urgency" - so I am constantly exaggerating how little time we have. Hey, I don't like to be late.
I exaggerate my husband's short comings - using words like "always" and "never" - I know I do this a lot. Sometimes, in the moment, it "feels" like always, and never... but in reality, that is not the case.
Sometimes I exaggerate my attitude. I get depressed often - but I don't want to show it if I can help it. Usually you know if it's popping through, it's because I have exaggerated the happy attitude too much, and it has become exhausting to keep it up.
Sometimes, when things are going bad - I can exaggerate the awfulness. Sometimes, it really is a bunch of stuff going on all at once - like yesterday - I swear it was one bad thing after another. And sometimes it's not a lot of bad stuff, but I might exaggerate it a little because I'm feeling so horrible - I feel I have to justify why I feel that way.
Why is it that I always over exaggerate the bad - and not the good. I don't think I have really over exaggerated the amount of money I donate to any charity or cause - maybe because I am ashamed at how little I do donate. Some people, I suppose, my feel that guilt and exaggerate the amount. I think if I did that, I would feel even more guilty. I have to be honest with myself - because I know that in turn is being honest with God. No one else is going to know if I have exaggerated or not - but God will.
As a society, I think we exaggerate a lot. If you want a certain type of reaction, you have to exaggerate, or else no one notices.
I'm sure sometimes I exaggerate. When my kids are doing something annoying - I probably exaggerate the extent of their annoyance - I want the mom sympathy vote.
My husband sometimes accuses me of exaggerating time - I have what he calls "chronic time urgency" - so I am constantly exaggerating how little time we have. Hey, I don't like to be late.
I exaggerate my husband's short comings - using words like "always" and "never" - I know I do this a lot. Sometimes, in the moment, it "feels" like always, and never... but in reality, that is not the case.
Sometimes I exaggerate my attitude. I get depressed often - but I don't want to show it if I can help it. Usually you know if it's popping through, it's because I have exaggerated the happy attitude too much, and it has become exhausting to keep it up.
Sometimes, when things are going bad - I can exaggerate the awfulness. Sometimes, it really is a bunch of stuff going on all at once - like yesterday - I swear it was one bad thing after another. And sometimes it's not a lot of bad stuff, but I might exaggerate it a little because I'm feeling so horrible - I feel I have to justify why I feel that way.
Why is it that I always over exaggerate the bad - and not the good. I don't think I have really over exaggerated the amount of money I donate to any charity or cause - maybe because I am ashamed at how little I do donate. Some people, I suppose, my feel that guilt and exaggerate the amount. I think if I did that, I would feel even more guilty. I have to be honest with myself - because I know that in turn is being honest with God. No one else is going to know if I have exaggerated or not - but God will.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Weslyan Questions - #1
Every
day, members of the John Wesley's Holy Club asked themselves 22
questions in their private, daily devotions. Funny thing is, these
questions are startlingly relevant today. Well, I want to take a little time to reflect on each question. I'm sure these will kick my butt!
Question 1: Am I consciously, or unconsciously, creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
No, I'm not a hypocrite... I'm just that awesome! -- ha ha... yeah right.
As I think on this question - my answer is most definitely YES. More unconsciously then consciously I'm sure - and also more because I have the best of intentions, just no follow through. In this area, I think more about my parenting. There are some things that I know I've done right. Bed time routine, for example, I nailed it right on the head. Other things, not so much. I see other kids get a bunch of screen time - their moms placing them in front of the TV for a movie, or to play video games. My favorite thing to say "Oh, I ONLY let my children have 30 min. a day of screen time. That is the recommended limit, after all." Reality - I'm a total hypocrite! Most school days my kids don't get a lot of time with screens, but 30 minutes? yeah right. That is so much easier said then done. An hour, or more, is more like it.
Here is something I think about with this question spiritually - I am a Methodist. The Methodist slogan is Open Doors, Open Minds, Open Hearts (OK, maybe not in that order... I can't remember). I tell people that this is what I believe - but do I really?
Open Doors - yes, I do believe in open doors. We should be a group of people who accept and welcome everyone! Then I started to think this - If someone, or a group of people, came in who looked as though they were obvious transients, would I welcome them? Well, at work, I do - because I have to. It's my job to be kind, and gentle. "How can I help you?" is my attitude. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your hard story" I say with a smile - give out food, phone numbers "sure, you can sit on the couch for a while out of the rain." - I would want someone to do the same for me, truly. Our church's extreme weather shelter is for people who are homeless, local or transient. Should I be open to them coming into my church for this necessity. I would be perfectly OK with helping them. Every person deserves respect and a chance to not freeze at night. I would welcome them. BUT, cue the exact same person, or group of people, coming into church on Sunday - I probably would not give them the time of day. I'm being honest here - if I saw the same sort of person come in, I would probably put up my radar, and I would be cautious. I would make sure my children steered away from this person - and I would probably watch these people like a hawk to make sure that they are being appropriate in the building. I most likely would not walk up to any of them and ask them how I could help them out, or if they needed help. I probably would not offer anything. I kind of don't like these thoughts. But if I'm being honest, take off my "Office Coordinator" hat and put on my "mama bear" hat, I don't want be "open" during my time in my safe church to someone that I obviously have a small wall in my brain against.
Open Minds - is my mind TRULY open to other people's points of view. I have always been able to see both sides of any issue - I often like to play devil's advocate. Thing is, just because I can see both sides doesn't always mean I can accept the other side as valid. Case and point - some conservative ways of thinking. While I can see their view on some issues like gun control or abortion, I cannot bring myself to accept their point of view. Sometimes, deep inside, I really feel they are wrong because they don't have the same view on some issues as I do. Outwardly, I may sound differently, even accepting of their point of view, because I don't want to cause any arguments - deep down I am different. It is one reason I do not talk politics with many of my friends and family. I have many conservative friends - and most of my natal family have conservative ideals. I learned to either say that I agree with them, and move on, or not talk about it at all. I have learned how to be the best hypocrite in this area.
Open Hearts - I feel that my heart is open - to all those who are in pain. I get a prayer request throughout my week - and I pray for everyone on the list - sometimes several times. I do not like knowing people are in pain. I probably would pray for the same transient people I listed above. I don't wish anyone ill will - and I'm being totally honest.
Wow, when I started out with this questions, I didn't expect it to end like this. Now I need to decide what to do with my revelations. How can I change my hypocrisy? Do I want to?
Question 1: Am I consciously, or unconsciously, creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
No, I'm not a hypocrite... I'm just that awesome! -- ha ha... yeah right.
As I think on this question - my answer is most definitely YES. More unconsciously then consciously I'm sure - and also more because I have the best of intentions, just no follow through. In this area, I think more about my parenting. There are some things that I know I've done right. Bed time routine, for example, I nailed it right on the head. Other things, not so much. I see other kids get a bunch of screen time - their moms placing them in front of the TV for a movie, or to play video games. My favorite thing to say "Oh, I ONLY let my children have 30 min. a day of screen time. That is the recommended limit, after all." Reality - I'm a total hypocrite! Most school days my kids don't get a lot of time with screens, but 30 minutes? yeah right. That is so much easier said then done. An hour, or more, is more like it.
Here is something I think about with this question spiritually - I am a Methodist. The Methodist slogan is Open Doors, Open Minds, Open Hearts (OK, maybe not in that order... I can't remember). I tell people that this is what I believe - but do I really?
Open Doors - yes, I do believe in open doors. We should be a group of people who accept and welcome everyone! Then I started to think this - If someone, or a group of people, came in who looked as though they were obvious transients, would I welcome them? Well, at work, I do - because I have to. It's my job to be kind, and gentle. "How can I help you?" is my attitude. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your hard story" I say with a smile - give out food, phone numbers "sure, you can sit on the couch for a while out of the rain." - I would want someone to do the same for me, truly. Our church's extreme weather shelter is for people who are homeless, local or transient. Should I be open to them coming into my church for this necessity. I would be perfectly OK with helping them. Every person deserves respect and a chance to not freeze at night. I would welcome them. BUT, cue the exact same person, or group of people, coming into church on Sunday - I probably would not give them the time of day. I'm being honest here - if I saw the same sort of person come in, I would probably put up my radar, and I would be cautious. I would make sure my children steered away from this person - and I would probably watch these people like a hawk to make sure that they are being appropriate in the building. I most likely would not walk up to any of them and ask them how I could help them out, or if they needed help. I probably would not offer anything. I kind of don't like these thoughts. But if I'm being honest, take off my "Office Coordinator" hat and put on my "mama bear" hat, I don't want be "open" during my time in my safe church to someone that I obviously have a small wall in my brain against.
Open Minds - is my mind TRULY open to other people's points of view. I have always been able to see both sides of any issue - I often like to play devil's advocate. Thing is, just because I can see both sides doesn't always mean I can accept the other side as valid. Case and point - some conservative ways of thinking. While I can see their view on some issues like gun control or abortion, I cannot bring myself to accept their point of view. Sometimes, deep inside, I really feel they are wrong because they don't have the same view on some issues as I do. Outwardly, I may sound differently, even accepting of their point of view, because I don't want to cause any arguments - deep down I am different. It is one reason I do not talk politics with many of my friends and family. I have many conservative friends - and most of my natal family have conservative ideals. I learned to either say that I agree with them, and move on, or not talk about it at all. I have learned how to be the best hypocrite in this area.
Open Hearts - I feel that my heart is open - to all those who are in pain. I get a prayer request throughout my week - and I pray for everyone on the list - sometimes several times. I do not like knowing people are in pain. I probably would pray for the same transient people I listed above. I don't wish anyone ill will - and I'm being totally honest.
Wow, when I started out with this questions, I didn't expect it to end like this. Now I need to decide what to do with my revelations. How can I change my hypocrisy? Do I want to?
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